My appreciation for yours and Craig's grief grows as my own son grows as well. Happy birthday little Mikinoz! [IMG]http://*****************.com/smile/emthup.gif[/IMG]
It has been a tough year seeing our 4 year old son start pre-school and interacting with more and more little girls of Chloe's age, seeing how they are so different to the sons we now have. I feel most sad for Mrs Mikinoz who does not have a daughter to share the lady things that she enjoys so much, and her realising that she will now probably not have a chance to have daughter of her own.
Through the past few years it has become more and more clear to me that there are a lot of people out there who suffer with sadness over children, those who have older children pass from illness or accident, babies that pass before they even have a chance and then there are those that are told that they won't be able to have children of their own for many reason - it is widespread and mainly goes unspoken. I am really lucky that I can enjoy our other children my this case, but am aware there are many people out there who suffer their own personal story quietly - and if that applies to you out there - I want to offer you strength with coping with your circumstances.
Over the next year or so I want to make some dedicated time to try and support parents who have lost children through volunteering with one of the organisations that offer direct support. There are not a massive amount of organisations that provide these services, and when you do engage with them I found that it is men that don't get the targeted support and attention when they are in such situations - but it is most important that they are equipped to cope both with their own grief and upset (and anger as well) but also as important is to become a partner that can support the mothers who suffer the full spectrum of emotional responses to loss - both rational and irrational. Once I have found an organisation, I will let you know, and share how that works out.
But today it is about our Chloe and how she would have been 5 years old today. We moved away from living close to where she rests for many reasons, but it is hard to not be able to visit and sit with her more often. Ironically it rains on her birthday no matter where are, so no surprise it is drizzling here at home this morning.
Happy birthday Chloe - Love from Dad, Mum and your brothers.
Last edited by mikinoz; 04-15-2011 at 07:13 PM.
Lovely thoughts and well said. They’re both sad and happy days. For us, Jemima lives on in Mr Finn who every other day unconsciously repeats all her smiles and cheekiness. And your right, the grieving process between men and women (of all generations) is so very different
I wish you all the best with your search for the right organisation.
Last edited by craig_m5; 04-17-2011 at 12:55 AM.
Beautiful words Mick. It reminds all us parents of the precious gifts we have been given. I hope that you find what both of you seek. There are plenty of children in this world who would benefit from the involvement of people like you and your wife. But as you say, today is about Chloe. From one parent to another, all the best and a very big
Well said Mick, my thoughts are with you & your family.
Thursday night just gone I got a msg from a friend bout midnight, telling me that my best mates wife had gone into labour. They'd been on holidays in Thailand and she was about 22 weeks, she lost her little girl about 4am.
They told their 4yo girl that her sister in mum's belly got sick when mummy got sick, she walked over to mummy and kissed her mums belly we're all there for him and his soccer team wore black arm bands today
Thanks to everyone for their kind words. It really means a lot that I can speak freely about Chloe, at least once a year.
We lifted the motif from the plaque Liam designed and made some decals that are on each of our cars. It is something that we see every day and brings her to the forefront of our in our busy lives and she is with us when we travel, all together in some way.
Floody - I know it may sound a bit far fetched, but when your mate gets back and you think he may benefit from a chat about things, I'd be more than willing to catch up with him. His story is quite similar to ours. Our condolences to him, his wife and daughter - and being overseas would be just making it that much more difficult at this time.
Happy Birthday little one.
This year the grief is less and as our small boys grow up they talk about Chloe as their sister which makes us proud. It freaks some people out when they tell people who are not familiar that she is in a box under the grass, but that is their issue to deal with.
Today I remember you again my beautiful girl. The memory of the night you were born is a heartbeat ago in my mind, and the seven years mean nothing.
That night we knew something was wrong, but for the world to go to sleep and you were with us and before they woke you were gone - mum and I will forever have that cold morning leaving the hospital without you to deal with. Now we both will living with that feeling but without each other to share that grief with anymore.
I love you Chloe - I wish you could be here with us now - your brothers would love you so much.
I had a cousin (Elise) who didn't make it past about 6 weeks, about 25 years ago, and I always think of her as well when this thread comes back to the top.
In the extremely unlikely event that I ever have a daughter, I plan to ask my uncle if it's OK if I make her middle name Elise.