Burning your Bridges in Finance...

[beng]

This made me laugh my ass off...sent to me by a colleague.

I guess this guy plans to NEVER return to Bloomberg, or pretty much any finance field for that matter.

Can't say it wouldnt be fun to do though....

http://www.blog.joelx.com/corp.../1033/

Quote, originally posted by joelx »

"Some guy named Jerel Smith quit working for Bloomberg and sent the following email to all of his coworkers… It basically just tells the people Jerel Smith didn’t like off and gives some advice to everyone else at the end. Unfortunately, Jerel Smith forgot the existence of the internet and the fact that funny F U letters to your former colleagues are now will follow you for the rest of your life. He even posted the letter on his myspace… I hope his music career works out, because no company will ever hire him again lol. Jerel Smith quit working for Bloomberg four days ago, and I think that I am the first blog/website to pick it up. Below is a screenshot of his corporate screen (though why Bloomberg is using 1998 era software beats me)." TEXT OF FINAL EMAIL FROM JEREL TO BLOOMBERG ASSOCIATES: Where do I begin? I’m sure you’ve read your share of goodbye letters so you know the drill. Head up to the 6th floor,grab the latest “go green for the environment and not cuz ss21 *our sales tracking function* has more minuses than a 4th grade math class” snack and settle in. *Old senior salesperson*…dude….you’ve been there 9+ years, don’t you think hijacking a colleagues computer, changing their msg9 and entering fake ballet lessons in their out is getting old? I wish you several years of early morning mid forehead tea bags by none other than bigfoot himself. Now that’s humor….as soon as they’re not around you talk **** about steph, curtis, kevin, yang, gomez, sobo, swartz, scher, montoya, soares, gabe, janet, david szo, u name ‘em he’s gossiping about them faster than a desperate house wife…I sat next to this bag of twaut for a year so believe me I know. No one gives a duece that you were a dj in the 80s..nearly 30 years ago….its over. You’re not funny dude, you remind me of this guy in my 6th grade class named Dip Shytman who was the self procclaimed class clown…tell a joke, and watch the person who gave u a courtesy laugh…are they still laughing when you look at them 4 seconds later? You’re not fooling anyone, your low self esteem is more apparent than you’re polarized associations with your chinese italian heritage when either side is seemingly convenient…I use to blaze every morning and at lunch just to numb myself to ur mouth flappage, stop telling everyone about your mystery diet, that….doesn’t exist, for real results see the section on {fon mar swa} …done Steph, *Old colleague* don’t trust this dude, if u had any idea the **** he’s said about you, the credit he’s taken for your sales and hard work…let it be known who the real engine behind sapi is…side note steph, that broke my heart, thought you were more savy than that, that’s all I have for you, I hope everything works out, bar the last issue you’ve been like a big sis to me, I look up to you and how you handle clients, I choose to remember everything positive *Former CEO* …I’d love to smack the heroine needle out of your arm and shove it up your purple suited arsse you loud mouth tasteless family size bag o’ douche…no wonder you’re always screaming at everyone, you probably need a fix you amy winehouse hermaphradite bbc walking fashion fopa….quiet the **** down, join narcotics anonymous, and stop wearing suits that match the neon colored rooms of the building….peter g. Runs the show, everyone knows that, ***** court jesture…and soomee, rock on…done *Former Colleauge* so I thought u were cool mang, till of course u became a TL and ascended to the ranks of tomfukery. Lay off the new guys for Christ Sake, Napolean syndrome? Little mans disease anyone? Why do you stomp so hard when you walk? You’re like 67 pounds, trying to make your presence felt? When you look in the mirror in the morning…do u see a minature size pooper scooper? One made coutre for say…paris hiltons dog? Done Now what’s your name again? The former head of adsk that was sleeping with justin lada and made out with him at a company party in front of everyone and was moved to sales soon after for the sole reason that daddy waddy is daddy walbucks? We didn’t forget… Count Smutula….I hope the revolving door smacked the starbucks out of your mouth…no that wasn’t an accident, snitch, how many meetings have you missed, how many meetings have we all missed? *Former Colleague* for Christ sake, the man has a wife! You think we don’t notice when your outs coincide while traveling? The frequent breaks together? Its like watching the captain cheerleader makeout with the star athlete, and dude, bbg’s Ron Korning, don’t think I forgot that day on the escalator when you know who did you know what…that’s just a little secret between me and you. I’m sure your apartment smells of leather bound books and mahogony…what cnn wasn’t hiring? …done *Head of TradeBook, another branch of Bloomberg* Too easy…. Plus I’m sure you would take this out on my buddies in tb…and they’re good guys. But bryan ahrens sends his regards…know what I mean? {fuccurself } god I hope I wrote the link right *Former Colleague* were u always like that? or was it the new title? Are you displacing your anger about…well…you know. I don’t wanna be mean here so I’ll just say you can work on that issue or choose not to its up to you, but stop being a total…well….you know, like a mother of lassie, there how’s that, that wasn’t to bad…. Who’s that guy who was a tl of conneticut a while back? Tall brit dude with diahrea of the mouth…nobody likes you dude…no one wants to travel with you cuz apparently you never shut the *** up, none of the girls new to sales want to date you so stop sitting on their desk and running your pilsbury piehole. You harassed a good buddy of mine for months, she’s not interested, I wish she would ante up and take u to hr already….done…also…you look like a characature of my scrotum…ok seriosly…done *Former Sales Manager* I’m convince that you wake up every morning and **** off with sand paper then crank up hannah montana and do 9 minute billy blanks abs. Fit for life! Awesome, next….counselling….You socially awkward rectal cavern…learn some interpersonal communication skills…learn to talk to people with some respect…better yet just respect yourself and maybe it will become transitive…done Lindsey Kemp already left….****, cuz that woulda been fun I’m sure I’m missing a few like the closet racist {fon geo waek} but I had to get that off my chest. To much goes unsaid at bloomberg, like the ridiculous pay we receive…*** a cert, what good will that do a rep in the now? You either have to throw it in your 401k a year from now and cross your fingers cuz of this awesome market or take half after taxes eat out your hard work. Bbg’s a farm, I have a lot of respect for bloomie, he’s a genius… Create a company to higher young attractive people, teach them how to use bbg and wait for turnover to occur… A rep paid 45k a year will repay that when they leave and purchase a bbg at their new place of employment. Bloomie took a risk, he invested that severance check in an idea and look at him now…he grabbed his balls and took a jump…well, balls in hand I’m taking a leap, and boy are they heavy… Know your worth, if you’re doing intricate spreadsheets and building financial models that sreps are truly ungrateful for, which you guys really are cuz you have no idea how much work they actually require, and you look at your check and don’t see it reflected in your pay. Take a look at the fear that keeps you frozen in place. (Eckhart Tolle -power of now and a new earth….russel simmons_ do you, tsun szu- the art of war…read em) Or maybe its not api maybe you’re puting off that CFA or MBA! Get on it!!!! Stop being a chump, how many excuses have you used thus far? buckle down and get after it….have an idea for a start up? Flesh it out and make a move….if it doesn’t work out at least you tried….its not enough to be proud because of someone elses last name….”I work for Bloomberg”… Make your own mark… If we had a bad interaction I was either stoned, tired (3 hrs of sleep a night for two years working on my true passion and waking up for work the next morning) or you’re probably just a douche. Thank god for no drug tests, right? Yeah I know trust me, its my little secret friend…ps- the 6th floors totally tripadelic with all the flashing lights…take lunch in central park…blaze a doobee, tell the cops u work at bloomie and the misdemeanor becomes a loitering citation, then comeback and be a 6th floor munchie pirate, top it off with a nap in the quiet room. **** ur go key ) Rock on: Bob Huber, Ryan Dacey, Osakwe Beale, Zoe Karl, Keith Bunnell, Spells, Jesse G, Nadorf, Gerard, Gonzo, Sobo, Gomez, Montoya, Siskind, George P, the Andersons, Semedo, Emma D, Corbet, frat, Andy, Mcmullin, Ameado, Osbourne, Cole, Meo. If I forgot u I’m typimg this while riding my bike. So my apologies Max, Scott, I tip my hat to u guys I have the utmost respect for u and I apologize for taking this long to figure out my direction. Curtis…thanks for giving me room. Everyone… If you want to have a drink with the kid, and hear me do my thing and rant about bloomie. I’m performing at the Sugar Bar on Friday from 8-12. 254 72nd street between broadway and west end 1, 2, 3 train to 72nd and broadway….free trump vodka cocktails…. Jerel Smith is now Corporate Rel, full time. You can reach me at: Gmail: corporaterel@gmail.com send me an email so we can stay in touch. Facebook: Jerel Smith Join the group Corporate Rel presents the Boardroom Myspace.com/corporaterelmusic I’m {out}…. God bless the quiet room

LMFAO! Something to lighten the mood in this forum.

[DSG-TDI]

Hahaha, nice. I had a co-worker abruptly quit about two years ago after his boss got a promotion, and on his way out, sent out a hilarious "I'm outta here" e-mail to select people in the office and the entire company management. We all still get a chuckle out of it.

[ChrisMD]

Alright, the couture pooper scooper made me laugh.

[maskedSONY]

seriously? looks like he didnt leave a stone unturned.

[titleist1976]

[BMW Killa]

lol...i love the shout outs at the end and the plug for his show. Im assuming this was kind of a tongue in cheek email for the most part

[SAPJetta]

Wow ... LOL

Way to make an exit

[6cylVWguy]

"charicture of my scrotum"....I have to say that was funny. I may have to use it some time.

A cousin of mine works at Bloomburg, I;ll have to ask him if he knows this guy. Didn't sound like he was mentioned in the guy's email rant.

[beng]

"If we had a bad interaction I was either stoned, tired (3 hrs of sleep a night
for two years working on my true passion and waking up for work the next
morning) or you’re probably just a douche."

I had a good augh over this line.