If Civilian Life Were Like the Army
October 3, 2010 in Army, Fun & Humor | Tags: Army, Civilians, customs, discipline, humor, inspections, leadership, Military
I was thinking about some of the customs and practices the military has that may seem strange to civilians. Just imagine if we did this in the civilian world!
Customs & Courtesies – You jump to your feet and yell whenever your boss comes into or leaves the office; every sentence addressed to your boss is concluded with his job title
Inspections – Before going on a business trip you bring in all your luggage and dump it out on your supervisor’s office floor so he can make sure you’re bringing enough underwear and toothpaste
In/Out-Processing - You spend the first and last week on the job walking around to your co-workers’ offices, asking them to sign a checklist
Discipline – After getting a speeding ticket, you show up at your boss’s front door at 6AM on Saturday morning in a suit and tie to get reprimanded
Barracks – Once a week you visit the home of every employee you supervise, point out what they need to clean, then stand outside and watch them conduct a “police call” of their front lawn
NCO Creed – Your job description is 3 paragraphs long and you know the whole thing verbatim; occasionally you’ll stand up and recite the whole thing from memory in a loud voice
Motor Pool – Every Monday morning finds you on your hands and knees underneath your company car looking for leaks; when asked why you don’t take it to a mechanic, you reply, “but it’s a 10-level task!”
Urinalysis – Once every month or two, you randomly come to work 3 hours early, drag your boss into the bathroom, and have him watch you pee in a plastic cup
Fitness – Twice a year you gather everyone in the office at 5AM to see how fast they run, then weigh them individually; you tell them they can’t get a raise unless they “meet the standard”
Family – After getting married, your first thought is, “Sweet! I don’t have to live in the office building anymore!” and you ask your boss how much your pay will increase now that you have a dependent
A man went on a trip with a fox, a goose and a sack of corn. He came upon a stream which he had to cross and found a tiny boat to use to cross the stream. He could only take himself and one other - the fox, the goose, or the corn - at a time. He could not leave the fox alone with the goose or the goose alone with the corn. How does he get all safely over the stream?
and twice on Sunday
Lots of 2.0 Parts for Sale
a house in TN....or maybe KY, caught fire. The home owners live in a rural town w/ NO dedicated fire department. To get fire service where they live they need to pay an annual $75 fee. When the house caught fire last week, the FD showed up, but let the house burn to the ground. The couple had forgotten to send the check. Despite neighbors offering the firemen THOUSANDS of dollars to put the fire out, they simply stood and watched as the peoples home, belongings, and pets burn to the ground.
Have a nice day.
Big Bopper to March Hare..We're still in the game okay? Understand this, that scag, and his floozy....They're gonna die!
I ran six loads of laundry today:
Four loads of clothing and two sets of sheets.
Laundry in the building costs $0.75 for wash and $0.75 for dry, so $1.50 per load. I'd love to have laundry in my unit, but there's really no place to put it, and the cost of plumbing, wiring , etc would be prohibitive. Plus, I grab all three washers at a time, so three loads can be done in the time it would take to do one. If I ever get a house, I'll have at least two washers and two dryers just for the convenience I've grown accustomed to.
There are actually four dryers in the building's laundry room (two stacked units -- Maytag Commercial) to go with the three washers to reduce bottlenecks when people only run a couple of loads.
My clothes were separated into: whites, warm colors and cool colors. There were four loads today since I ran two loads of cool colors.
My tennis shoe socks are all white with a gray heel, but two different cut styles, making matching a slight challenge versus the ease of yesteryear when they were all the same cut.
The dress socks are more like playing concentration when you need to remember where you've seen the sock before to properly match them. Some are very similar.
Briefs are all the same, so it's just grab and throw them into the drawer.
Boxers get folded into quarters and are tucked into the back of the line in the drawer so that they are properly rotated. I try to make sure all my clothes are rotated so they last longer.
The polo shirts go on white wire hangers I kept from the dry cleaner (who changed hands a couple of years ago, and now I don't get the big discount coupons, but they still give me a little something).
Folding clothes is a very zen-like activity. It brings me peace and an inner sense of calm you don't get from, say, mowing the lawn. But that's what gardeners are for. Our condo association pays $350 per month for gardening, which is very reasonable in this neighborhood I'll tell you.
The sheets are nearly impossible to fold properly as they're fitted sheets. The pillow cases, at least, get folded into quarters so they stay neat, but the sheets are much like origami run over by a local bus (which just raised their fare from $0.75 to $1.00 per ride, now more expensive than a wash or dry in my building)
There are no old Porsches - just new owners.