Ranty-rant: if you have an Apple sticker on your car, you're gay.*

[rice is burning]

Mrs. Ricey is getting an iPad for x-mas. So, after a neighborhood x-mas party last night, which somehow entailed all the wives shooting a liter of Jagermeister, Mrs. Ricey was wiped out, and Ricey thought it might be a great time to set up the iPad- activate the 3G, download some apps she might like, etc.

Because I don't want to deal with that crap on X-mas morning. First of all, setting up wi-fi or any AT&T cellular connection is bound to be a cluster****. Secondly, the Riceys will be with my Ricey relatives for X-mas. To survive that, Ricey will begin drinking Bloody Marys at 9 am on X-mas morning, and will continue to pound gin throughout brunch until he can stumble back to bed at about noon and sleep until say, 6 pm or whenever it gets dark. When drinking becomes acceptable. So Ricey will be in no condition to deal with that crap on X-mas day.

Anyway, the iPad setup was really easy, but I found some of these in the box:


PEOPLE ACTUALLY PUT THOSE STICKERS ON THEIR CARS.

Now, I won't pretend to be blameless in this situation. I have these tags:




I guess you could make fun of me for those tags. YES I AM A MACHO FOOTBALL FAN. GRRRRRR I AM MANLY. I HAVE CHEST HAIR AND FART LOUDLY. GRRRRRR.

But I have to have license plates, and those are better than Georgia's regular sucky plates, and the proceeds go to Arthur Blank's foundation, which somehow helps some sick children or homeless children or some crap like that. Whatever. I've been a Falcons fan forever, which as you may know pretty much sucks ass most of the time. I WEAR MY PAIN WITH MY HEART ON MY SLEEVE, JUST LIKE BILLY CORGAN. Yeah!

Also, I have an SCCA sticker on my TSX:


Frankly, driving a sedan makes me feel like I might have a vagina. The SCCA sticker sort of mans it up. I guess if wasn't such a sissy, I'd just drive around in the S2000 all the time, with the top down. Rain or shine. Hell, people used to ride horses and donkeys and burros and elephants for transportation. Those didn't have automatic climate control or heated seats or satellite radio. Or roofs. Those people didn't die. Well, their lifespans were probably shorter.

In my own defense, I will say that Mrs. Ricey put these magnetic things on my cars, and I took them off. Immediately.


Look, we have 2 cats that were strays and a stupid dog I got from the animal shelter so that they wouldn't gas her dumb ass. I have a jacuzzi tub- where I used to get my freak on- but Mrs. Ricey and her cats moved in and now my pimp tub has a litterbox in it. Dumb animals now poop where I used to get it on. Yeah, I make sacrifices for the betterment of society. But I don't want those goddamned paw magnets on my cars.

But none of that stuff is nearly as gay as putting a stupid ass Apple sticker on your car. Ricey loves his iPhone, but for god's sakes, I'd rather pull out my eyeballs than put that stupid sticker on my car.

LOOK AT ME. I'M COUNTER-CULTURE. I WISHED I LIVED IN SAN FRANCISCO AND PROTESTED THINGS. I HAVE AN APPLE STICKER. I'M SENSITIVE AND IMPORTANT. I COMPLETELY IGNORE THE FACT THAT MY APPLE PRODUCTS ARE MADE IN SWEATSHOPS IN CHINA WHERE PEOPLE ROUTINELY JUMP OUT OF TEN STORY BUILDINGS TO KILL THEMSELVES BECAUSE THEIR APPLE-PRODUCT MAKING LIVES ARE SO ****ING MISERABLE.

I'm no big Bill Gates fan. He's probably a nice guy, but he and Paul Allen paid off Congress to get their Porsche 959s federalized, and probably crash tested a dozen of those things to make it happen. I also strongly suspect that Steve Jobs personally introduced cholera to Haiti and may or may not enjoy eating small bunnies. I can't prove it, but it could be true.

Anyway, if you have one of those stickers on your car, take it off. It makes you look gay.

* my gay friends tell me it's perfectly acceptable that call things "gay." It's not racist or anything. They also taught me some other pejorative slang but I don't think it's appropriate here.

[bpfoley]

um, isn't a convertible considered a girly car more than anything else?

[Traldan]

[audiphile]

I lol'd

[ZoomBoy]

You make up for it with the Mugen license plate bolts.

[MrMook]

I hate sports team logos on cars. It looks dumb, and I automatically judge you the same way you judge an Apple car. However, I don't really care. In fact, I think the white Falcon plate looks dope on that car, and can ignore the fact that it's a lame NFL team because it's a simple, badass looking logo on a clean looking car.

[FLY-GTI1]

um, isn't a convertible considered a girly car more than anything else?

Or a Jetta?...if you care about dumb auto-stereotypes like that.

[Turbio!]

In before somebody starts ranting about Apple and how they hate Steve Jobs.

[Señor Peligro]

Apple sucks, and I hate Steve Jobs.

[H3LVTCA]

**** you, OP.

[VeeDubDude]

I hate these stickers the most . . .

Let's just broadcast everyone's names so John Lithgow can lure the kids away with candy . . .

[oh noes! cars!]

There should be a multi-step thread starting process that asks the user "are you REALLY sure you want to post this"?

Yea, we get it - you're awesome and you feel the need to legitimize your body full of hate by getting internet cronies to back you up.

People like different stuff, stfu already.

[FaelinGL]

More pics of the nympho sister please.

Mike

[HowSoonIsNow]

OP: Should you again over-indulge in Colt 45s, please step away from the keyboard or post elsewhere where your hate speech would garner appreciation, yucks, and cyber pats on the back.

Admin: lock this thread.

[l88m22vette]

Hilarious. Threads like this keep me coming back to TCL

[MFactor]

There should be a multi-step thread starting process that asks the user "are you REALLY sure you want to post this"?

Yea, we get it - you're awesome and you feel the need to legitimize your body full of hate by getting internet cronies to back you up.

People like different stuff, stfu already.

Signed.

OP...you whine too much.

[warren_s]

an Apple sticker

Where can I get these parts?

[SeatIbiza1.8T]

Lol awesome post, agreed!

[4.OMG]

The OP would have a lot more credibility if he stopped referring to himself as "Ricey" and speaking in the third person.

With that said, Apple stickers are gay, and I tend to draw the same inferences as the OP whenever I see one on a car.

[mhjett]

OP is a douche-canoe. You're trying too hard. You may be afflicted with small genitalia.

[AKADriver]

FWIW, the suicide rate at Foxconn is actually lower than the Chinese national average. So actually, assembling iCrap is slightly less horrible than just being Chinese in general.

[JoeyVR6]

I don't really think its that much of a problem to have an Apple sticker on a car. I think having that Falcons license plate is just as bad because it makes me think of the sports fans who talk like they are a part of the team.

"Yea, we didn't do so well this week but we've been showing a lot of improvement so hopefully next week will go better for us"

OP if you don't talk like that, then its a different story.

[Jiffycake]

Stfu, op.

[Chris Stack]

Ricey's post

Ricey's rants are some of the most entertaining posts on this board. If you are butthurt over his gay or Apple comments, well, you don't matter.

[GrayMarauder]

The people I see with these stickers on their cars around SLC are less of a "I am sensitive alternative poet/designer/musician/photographer" and more of a "I am a GD granola eater!"

I am not completely innocent either, all the products I use are Apple. Unlike a lot of people though, I don't go around flaunting that my "platform is better than yours because of how user-friendly and designer orientated it is."

I would suggest cutting back on the holiday drinking. It looks like it tends to make you irritable.

[Jman5000]

Apple stickers are gay...from the guy who chooses late night configuration of apple products over a jäger-infused wife?

[gizmopop]

Ricey, blur your license plates before some apple sticker wearing fanboi hunts your butt down in the deep south.

[Oliver@triplezoom]

FWIW, the suicide rate at Foxconn is actually lower than the Chinese national average. So actually, assembling iCrap is slightly less horrible than just being Chinese in general.

Nicely put.

Foxconn has one million employees. That's insane.

[Turbio!]

I am not completely innocent either, all the products I use are Apple. Unlike a lot of people though, I don't go around flaunting that my "platform is better than yours because of how user-friendly and designer orientated it is."
)

I mean, yeah, those people are ****ing annoying, but I want to stab the moron who thought that Android needed skins. Clean Android builds are ok, but every time Motorola or somebody decides to rebrand it, I get stabby. Samsung is the worst. Apple products are annoying in their own special ways, but at least they're clean and smooth straight outta the box, and don't stutter and look ugly as ****.

Oh, and Android tablets? DOA. How long is Apple just gonna own that entire market? A year? Year and a half?

[classicjetta]

This thread is hilarious and full of fail at the same time. I'm still sorting out what's what.

[AHFlynn]

lol pretty funny rant.

only sticker ill ever have on my car:

[Nicefeet]

If you have a Raiders or Batman sticker on your car you’re definitely a Mexican.

[vwgtiIII]

Look, we have 2 cats that were strays and a stupid dog I got from the animal shelter so that they wouldn't gas her dumb ass. I have a jacuzzi tub- where I used to get my freak on- but Mrs. Ricey and her cats moved in and now my pimp tub has a litterbox in it. Dumb animals now poop
where I used to get it on.

...

I also strongly suspect that Steve Jobs personally introduced cholera to Haiti and may or may not enjoy eating small bunnies. I can't prove it, but it could be true.


* my gay friends tell me it's perfectly acceptable that call things "gay." It's not racist or anything. They also taught me some other pejorative slang but I don't think it's appropriate here.

I laughed....hard! That was pretty good. I am guilty of stickers but mainly for reasons of having a sense of humor since I know it pisses so many others off. I drive a silver Golf IV. It's boring as hell and the diesel sounds like our old 40hp Honda boat motor. Putting a pair of chrome 'trucker girl' mud flaps on the back along with some bicycle company stickers in the corner of my window at least allows me to personalize my completely impersonal but highly practical automobile. When I'm stuck in traffic on 94W and trying to get to my studio in Uptown, I relish in seeing the love/hate impact that these simple, cheap, temporary adornments have on whomever is stuck behind me. I've seen bored-looking men driving minivans with a woman in the passenger seat grin impulsively and butch looking women driving with other butch looking women in the passenger seat look like someone's dog just farted straight up their nose. The reaction makes it totally worth the ridicule that I get from friends/family for having them. Hell, cheering up a bored husband by reminding him of the time when he used to be a 'rebel' bachelor is well worth it.

Edit: I also consider myself a closet cycling activist so supporting Crank Brothers and Giro are a way for me to make conversation with people in parking lots or whenever else I'm near strangers and the rear of my car.

[Live-Wire]

Nice rant! At work, my workbench and toolbox sits right next to other workbenches and toolboxes... it's a shop, everything looks like a shop. My toolbox has a set of Audi and Quattro badges I put up when I drove one, a Nurburgring sticker, and a "I speed up for corners" sticker. The tool box next to me has a couple of beer logo's, and some hot looking girl sticker (which is really a cartoon so no one can tell him to take it down... since it isn't real). The rest of the work area's look like ours, or thereabouts. Maybe I should add a BlackBerry sticker to show I am all cold and businesslike and against the things Apple people stand for... or maybe because I am damn proud Canada finally built a world-class consumer product that actually has left our borders and got world wide acclaim.

Except buddy next to me... stupid Apple logo. Instead of his name hung over his workbench he has his employee number - a protest against how management "doesn't care" ... He spends most of the shift tapping random "thoughts" into his iPhone instead of actually working. He has some music business on the side that he says will be the next big thing "by November"... well it's getting close to January, so I assume those "thoughts" didn't work out.

One set of stickers that's worse then any apple logo.... those Family stickers. I want to cut the section of glass out and melt it down. Especially the ones with "cute" names for everyone!

[Chapel]

I make the stickers that go on my car...