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    Thread: Roommate Stories

    1. Banned FBMphil's Avatar
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      07-29-2011 04:59 PM #1
      I've been living with the same three dudes for the last four years of college, and we split up after this past semester (well, I ditched them because I'm finishing in December). This means...dun dun DUNNNNN...living with some new random ****os this fall. Hopefully slutz.

      Share your showering sharing with a stranger horror stories to convince me that I'm going to get raped in my sleep come August.

    2. Member warrenW's Avatar
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      07-29-2011 05:03 PM #2
      one of my roommates was a black dude who was twice the size of me who was from nigeria. he spoke with a heavy accent and had the worst sleeping hours. we shared a room, and he would go to bed around 7:30-8pm and wake up at 3, to do homework and listen to music. woke me up every time, you know turned the lights on and all that crap. it was really annoying.

      another one of my roommates, during a different time, also shared rooms with me. he was a chronic masterbater. it seemed like he wanted me to walk in on him. its like, why couldnt he do it in the shower? why did he have to be naked sprawled out on the bed and then pretend like he wasn't doing anything?

      creep.

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      07-29-2011 05:05 PM #3
      I lived in the dorms at college for 1 semester. My assigned roommate was a ****ing dirtball. He showered maybe once a month. owned one pair of black jeans and rotated like 4 Metallica T-shirts. I don't think he even owned a toothbrush.
      Of course it's company policy never to, imply ownership in the event of a dildo... always use the indefinite article a dildo, never your dildo.

    4. Member Matt@EuroJerks's Avatar
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      07-29-2011 05:06 PM #4
      My freshman year I get to my room plop my **** down and introduce myself to my roommate. His name was Mike and he was from a upper middle class family. Cool kid but never hung out with him in social situations (I was a athlete he was a mathlete) One day we had a huge lighting storm and it fried all the electronics in the room. He brought the TV, so the school said if you have a proof of receipt they will pay for the damaged goods. What happened to the TV was that the speaker got fried but the picture was still there. He would lay at the end of the bed like 6 inches from the TV and just stare with all the lights off.
      Leave for winter break and come back to ALL his **** GONE....... he just dissapeard. People would come to my room and ask where he was. I had a double as a single for the rest of the year.
      Weird bird.

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      07-29-2011 05:12 PM #5
      me and my roomate got into a drunken fight one night and he ****ing resorted to biting. now i have a scar on my leg from it.



    6. Senior Member Metallitubby's Avatar
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      07-29-2011 05:15 PM #6
      Someone get Manu44 in here. Him and I did some ****ed-up **** together as roomies. The chicks we banged, the fatties he banged...

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      07-29-2011 05:20 PM #7
      Quote Originally Posted by Matt@EuroJerks View Post
      I had a double as a single for the rest of the year.
      Weird bird.
      That sounds like a win to me. I have nothing to add except the usual my roomate was a huge pothead looser.

    8. Geriatric Member ValveCoverGasket's Avatar
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      07-29-2011 05:26 PM #8
      Quote Originally Posted by ABAcabby View Post
      me and my roomate got into a drunken fight one night and he ****ing resorted to biting. now i have a scar on my leg from it.
      holy ****

      was that up at the lakeway house?

    9. Banned FBMphil's Avatar
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      07-29-2011 05:27 PM #9
      I came back from Christmas break this past year and one of my roommates was acting a little bit sketchy. He told the other three of us that he'd come back up to school for New Year's Eve and something had happened to him, but we didn't know what.

      Let's keep in mind that this kid seems like the most normal, white bread uptight privileged upper middle class son of a cop, but once you get to know the guy you find out he's a complete freak. According to his girlfriend: fingers in the ass. But I digress.

      Anyway, I figured he got raped/banged a dude/**** all over our couch.

      We're moving out of the (totally awesome and should have been condemned) house a couple weeks ago, and he says he needs to tell us something: "I was blacked out and decided to clean my gun at 4 a.m. Hit the trigger, and...". He proceeds to show us where he accidentally discharged his .40 call past his head, through 4 inside walls, the outside wall, and 3/4" thick cedar plank siding and 2 inches deep into the outside stairs leading to my bedroom. If someone would have been taking a dump in our bathroom at the time, PBR and a Hot-and-Ready wouldn't have been the only thing splattering

      Figures it was on my 2010-2011 bucketlist to shoot a gun in the house.
      Last edited by FBMphil; 07-29-2011 at 06:37 PM.

    10. Member Manu44's Avatar
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      07-29-2011 05:29 PM #10
      I never had sex with anyone. Except the mother of my child. True story.
      Quote Originally Posted by Turbio!
      I'm just imagining what it was like to have an F-22, which is a positively gigantic fighter plane, just sort of sidle up next to you in midair. Just kind of like, 'sup, dudes, aloo snackbar.

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      07-29-2011 05:30 PM #11
      Quote Originally Posted by ValveCoverGasket View Post
      holy ****

      was that up at the lakeway house?
      kirkland
      Quote Originally Posted by bluerabbit0886 View Post
      A friend of mine is at law school at Gonzaga. He says Spokane is a real **** show. Florida of the Pacific Northwest...
      Quote Originally Posted by Señor Peligro View Post
      There was a separate petition for it. So no, I don't think Austin is the demographic in Texas looking to secede. But **** Austin anyways.

    12. Senior Member Metallitubby's Avatar
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      07-29-2011 05:45 PM #12
      Quote Originally Posted by Manu44 View Post
      I never had sex with anyone. Except the mother of my child. True story.
      You have a child now?

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      07-29-2011 05:45 PM #13
      One dude in the dorms used to black out and zombie pee on things. I had a bunked double, one time I wake up, look down, and he's standing there peeing in my garbage can.

      Another guy, after a late night, goes into the RA's bedroom, climbs in with him and says "it's all about the choices" LOL. He's absolutely not gay which just makes it even more funny/baffling.

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      07-29-2011 07:40 PM #14
      My roommate sophomore year wouldn't leave a note or let me know when my family or g/f would call, and since that anti social troll never left the room, he always got the calls. Got really annoying when I wouldn't call my parents back for something important since Ken didn't tell me they called.

      So one day I hear him lifting his girth up the stairs, so I pick up my phone (and it's off). He walks in and I start screaming "Eff you, you nasty dumb wh**e, say what you want but you're the poor trash who lives on a farm and if you tell me again about what you used to do to Ken when he was a baby I'll report you to the police."

      I slammed the phone down, turned around to see his stunned face, and I told him "Your Mom called. She said she'll call you back later tonight."
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      07-29-2011 07:52 PM #15
      While intoxicated I hid my room mates phone in the oven. Not remembering until after oven was done pre-heating...

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      07-29-2011 08:20 PM #16
      everyone seems to be talking about college roomies.i never went to college,but a friend of mine who did had a roommate from hell.
      the usual excessive drinking would always go on.one weekend when i went to visit their school~we all went out for dinner and beers at a local restaurant/bowling alley where a couple of girls worked as waitresses(they also went to the same school).
      we had only been drinking for maybe 2 hours and, upon leaving, the psycho roomate suddenly decides to wander across to the local home&garden center/equipment rental place
      as the girls and us are all climbing into my friends '84 SVO ,we see the whacko driving around doing donuts in a field with a forklift truck "oh,jeez~here we go"-we were all thinking.
      we were all like wtf? we yell out,"c'mon,let's go!" roomie parks the forklift against a Ford rental van...and proceeds to try to lift it up a few feet! Oh,Sh!t!! the truck and the forklift tumbled over
      we high-tailed it out of there fast.
      fast-forward a few years later--the 'roommate from hell' eventually ended up in jail,got a whole bunch of DUI's,drug possesion,etc.he still lives in that same small college town,afaik.
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      07-29-2011 09:17 PM #17
      I had a furry roommate.

      Not a hairy dude but a "Furry."

      He had an animal tail attached to a belt. That he wore around campus.

      He had a fiancee who looked like a dog conveniently enough, although he claimed he was spiritually tied to a bunny.

      I walked in on him cheating on her with a dude. He was wearing cat ears, his tail and boxers. They weren't making out or anything, they were "purring" and scratching and tickling each other, noticeably aroused.

      When I moved in with a friend of mine I left him a little stuffed bunny and a bag of carrots on his bed.
      Quote Originally Posted by a3lad View Post
      the mods aborted the thread and now who knows what that thread might have turn out to be... maybe one day it wouldve cured cancer.

    18. Member BTM's Avatar
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      07-29-2011 09:32 PM #18
      Had a roommate who got blackout, attempted pouring grey goose down my gf's throat in the pool, attacked futon with a knife, made it rain change all over the living room floor, and practically gave away his Breitling to some random drug dealer. Not even for drugs, I don't think. He eventually got evicted.

    19. 07-29-2011 09:44 PM #19
      I once had a raging alcoholic roommate. He was a trust fund kid that didn't really know what he wanted to do with his life and he always paid his bills on time while he rented a room from a friend of mine (that I also lived with) while he figured it out.

      He never once washed his bedsheets in the 1+ year he lived there and his room smelled so bad that he had to keep a fan on 24/7 in the window to constantly blow fresh air in. Fortunately he rarely left his room which meant that he never used the shower and I hardly ever had to deal with him. Occasionally, he would go into a drunken fit that would result in something like him pooping on my bed. But he also had this ability to be Mr. Absolutely Charming anytime we threw a party, at least he was charming for a couple hours until he hit the hard liquor and started throwing up. He was also a skinny little guy who would walk up to the biggest guy in the room and pick a fight after drinking. So he left a lot of blood around the house as well.

      His usual routine was to wake up around 5:00 PM, spend about an hour smoking on the patio, go get some fast food, return to his room to eat it while playing WoW and trolling websites then proceed to get absolutely hammered (we're talking 1 bottle of vodka per day) and go on Xbox live to spend a few hours swearing at 14 year olds until he passed out.

      This was the extent of his life the entire time I knew him and the last I heard, things haven't improved. He got a DUI and showed up to his court hearing drunk.

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      07-29-2011 09:59 PM #20
      My buddy had a friend stay at his house when he lived with his parents. He stayed in the basement where the family did laundry. One night the kids mom went downstairs late to switch over some laundry and caught him literally f**king their leather sectional couch. Like Wang between cushions, buck naked and in full stride. Forever referred to as the naughty monkey seat from then on. Too bad too, nice couch.
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    21. 07-29-2011 10:12 PM #21
      Quote Originally Posted by jettafan[atic] View Post
      I had a furry roommate.

      Not a hairy dude but a "Furry."
      It's been mentioned on the forums before that I'm a furry. I don't take it super seriously though, just kind of an occasional fun thing for me to hang out with other furries. And I'm not sure I would want a furry roommate (besides my mate/bf who is a furry). Most of the other furries I've met are pretty strange, in the sense that wearing a tail is just the tip of the iceberg.

      And I'm kind of curious if he was actually cheating. Open relationships (and casual sex in general) are extremely common in this community. Did you get involved in a blow-up about it?

    22. Member OrdinaryGirl's Avatar
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      07-29-2011 10:59 PM #22
      I had a roommate who would get blackout drunk and pee on clean laundry. I put him to bed one night in his room, and the party carried on for a while. I passed out in my recliner in the living room as another obnoxious person I was acquainted with was in my bed. I woke up because I heard someone moving, and he was standing next to me, eyes closed, swaying, peeing on his laundry hanging from the drying rack in the corner of the room. He was totally out.

      I had another roommate (another house - there were 6 of us who lived in a house that likely should have been condemned) who used chicks a lot. So there was a regularly occuring one that was pretty noisy, and one night my boyfriend at the time and I had had enough. He just started screaming and flailing and slapping the bed and the wall in my room in rythym to them boinking. She never made a peep again. We joked he put a pillow on her face.

      I had another roommate in the same place that made ludicrous *** cookies. Another roommate asked me to make sure he kept breathing after eatin too many one night. We also Saran wrapped his entire room. Garbage, condoms, DVDs, sheets, bed, everything. Took four of us 6 hours and 10 rolls of Saran wrap. Totally worth it.
      Last edited by OrdinaryGirl; 07-29-2011 at 11:03 PM.
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      07-29-2011 11:16 PM #23
      Quote Originally Posted by BTM View Post
      Had a roommate who got blackout, attempted pouring grey goose down my gf's throat in the pool, attacked futon with a knife, made it rain change all over the living room floor, and practically gave away his Breitling to some random drug dealer. Not even for drugs, I don't think. He eventually got evicted.
      Sounds like a winner

    24. Junior Member geez1234's Avatar
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      07-30-2011 12:38 AM #24
      My roommate's crazy girlfriend from Long Island got kicked out of our school due to her inability to pay her bill. Instead of moving home, she decides to move into our tiny double, without a meal plan or any money, thus he'd have to bring her food from the dining hall. She had nothing to do, so she'd sit in our room all day long, everyday during classes. This was of course annoying as hell. Little doubles are bad enough, but adding a third person in, 24/7, sucks.
      She also happened to be a fiend for giving head, so I'd constantly wake up in the middle of the night to those sounds... followed by her going "Ahhhhhhhh" at the end, like a Pepsi commercial.

      I thought I was finally free of all that **** when she moved away, but that just meant marathon Skype sessions instead. Walked in on their little cyber sessions more than a few times.

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      07-30-2011 01:24 AM #25
      while living in the dorms my sophomore year of college, we had a hallmate that didn't quite fit in. he wasn't a bad guy, but his g/f on the other hand drove everyone up the wall. she was flat out gross.

      anyway, they were drinking one night and my roommate and i had already gone to bed. we didn't lock our doors because we knew everyone in the hall pretty well. dumb ass bitch girlfriend wanders into our room at about 2am. doesn't turn on a light, but i woke up to see her looking confused, like she was looking for something. i reached over and woke up my roommate, and we decided to let her leave on her own. after about 10 seconds, she opens his sock drawer, pops a squat and starts pissing! i yell out WTF, he jumps up and turns on the light and she freaks out, jumps in his bed and starts crying.

      needless to say we didn't see much of her after that
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      Well, then, I'm here to "ruin" the vortex for you. I'm sorry you hate fun.

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      07-30-2011 01:37 AM #26
      hmm, I have some pictures of great fights with my college roommate. We were actually really good friends when we moved in since we had played hockey together for years...

      however, I let one guy move into my house years later since his girlfriend was a good friend of mine. Gave him the most obnoxiously cheap deal on rent in a very expensive city to live in. He bought a new TL-S, a new TV...never once decided to pay me. Then one day, I check my bank account while I was visiting my parents and it is overdrafted something like $1,500. I logged into my account and I had written a check for $800 to someone and then had about 20 overdraft fees for couple dollar charges here and there. I loaded the image of the check on the online banking system and it seems that I paid him money for rent that month. The stupid ass was dumb enough to not only forge a check but also deposited it into his personal checking account. It seemed stupid that he was arguing with the police about it. Kept saying he didn't know who would have done that...blah blah blah...I got him arrested and then fired since his job required going into peoples homes.

    27. Member dentinger's Avatar
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      07-30-2011 03:14 AM #27
      i just moved to Alberta not too long ago, and i moved into a house with 3 people i dont know.
      we rent the upstairs of the home, and some philipinos live downstairs.

      so, ben and desiree are engaged, and think they own the house. whatever they say, goes.
      des is convinced her dog (american eskimo) is untrainable, and he's too hyper. so, she decides to bring him to the SPCA, and get a different dog. first she decides on a black lab, until i yelled at her until she changed her mind. now she's dead set on a border collie. *sigh*
      her boyfriend just got a cat, and she's 100% positive it doesnt need shots or vaccines because its an indoor car, and ben's cats back on the farm never had shots.
      bed is a "my way or the highway", and "im always right" sorta guy.

      mikey took a huge **** earlier, clogged the toilet, and left it. went to a football game, and did whatever else instead of taking care of it. he comes home at midnight, and goes, yea sorry man, i'll take car of that tomorrow morning.
      then you have his prized possession, an '89 skyline gte. 2.0L inline 6, single turbo, which he feels the need, has to occupy the middle of a 2 car garage.

      TL;DR: i live with idiots
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      07-30-2011 08:16 AM #28
      I shared a two bedroom apartment with a biker chick. The house was owned by a polish electrician we worked with. He lived downstairs with his really pretty wife and daughter. After living with S for a few months I started to realize she was a sex addict. Every day there was a new pair of strange boots at the front door when I came home. She also had the scummy boyfriend off and on and he was banging another chick, too. Apparently between the three of them and the occasional stranger, they kept passing VD amongst themselves. Other than her sexual problems (that I had to hear all about ) She was pretty cool. After I moved out, I found out most of my friends had nailed her

      Lived with another woman, who turned out to be an alcoholic. No alcohol could be kept in the house without her drinking it all. She was also a slob. I spent two weeks cleaning the house after I moved in, kitchen, bathroom, my bedroom. My oldest kid didn't even want to set foot into the bathroom. The woman was kinda mean, and hysterical, too. At the time, I was mostly staying at my GF's place, anyway. She's now a schoolteacher at the middle school and My oldest kid refuses to talk to her.

      Had another roommate, his house, I rented a room. Probably the best roommate I had. The house had old plaster lathe ceilings in the kitchen that was starting to come down. He decided he was going to rip it down and put up sheetrock. I "suggested" that he hang plastic up to seal off the cabinets. He decided it was too much trouble. I went to work and when I came home in the morning, the whole house was filled with that gritty dust and the kitchen cabinets, food, everything was coated with it. He had his stripper GF spend three days cleaning it up and no, I didn't help. She was a biatch!
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    29. Member GTiTOM's Avatar
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      07-30-2011 11:12 AM #29
      Moved in with a craigslist random once. Long story short, he left one morning in a suit nd tie (laterfound out for a court appearance) and didnt come back for two weeks. When he did, he had an ankle bracelet, a breathalyzer on the phone, and no job. Never found out exactly what happened. I got out of the lease, and when i moved i sold him a bunch of stuff for $150 (ikea dresser, weights, etc). He kept making excuses for notbeing able to pay me, then i found all the stuff on craigslist.

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      07-30-2011 11:43 AM #30
      Wow this really makes me want to move into a place with someone...
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    31. 07-30-2011 12:00 PM #31
      I have too many to list, but I can say that I left my last roommate when I took a shoe to the throat in a cheap shot.
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      You're a pretty cool dude.

    32. Senior Member NoDubJustYet's Avatar
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      07-30-2011 12:09 PM #32
      How the hell do you guys get yourselves in these situations?

      In collge I lived with people I knew from high school... After college I got married.

      Damn, I'm glad I've never had to live anything even close to some of the **** described in here.

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      07-30-2011 12:46 PM #33
      I lived with my sister and her b/f in a condo. They no longer could afford it so out they went and then a good friend of mine and his wife after they needed a place to stay moved in and ruined the carpets. They paid. However his wife is a fake bitch and she knows I hate her. SO.... I kicked them out after she started a fight with me over a very sensitive issue. Two years have gone by.... eh.

    34. 07-30-2011 01:10 PM #34
      freshman year of college roomed with a reasonably good friend from HS. After about the first week him and his gf of 2 or 3 years broke up and he simply could not get over it I think. He would buy a **** ton of chili and eat it for every meal, even though he had a meal plan and the dining hall was two buildings over. He would stay up until about 4 am every night playing solitaire and minesweeper and he played as fast as possible. click click... click click click. he made it to class enough to stay in school the first two quarters and then went about 10 times the third quarter. i would get back from class and most days he would be watching a nine inch nails DVD. he watched it at least once a day for over a month.

      Other than that my other roommates have been great, even through CL.

    35. Senior Member NoDubJustYet's Avatar
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      07-30-2011 01:12 PM #35
      Quote Originally Posted by scubasteved View Post
      freshman year of college roomed with a reasonably good friend from HS. After about the first week him and his gf of 2 or 3 years broke up and he simply could not get over it I think. He would buy a **** ton of chili and eat it for every meal, even though he had a meal plan and the dining hall was two buildings over. He would stay up until about 4 am every night playing solitaire and minesweeper and he played as fast as possible. click click... click click click. he made it to class enough to stay in school the first two quarters and then went about 10 times the third quarter. i would get back from class and most days he would be watching a nine inch nails DVD. he watched it at least once a day for over a month.

      Other than that my other roommates have been great, even through CL.
      I hope is wasn't the "Broken Video" because it's super ****ed up.

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