I stand corrected. It is plain as day that it is a 6HP19FLA, I apologize. Yes, I see that Wikipedia is wrong so will likely fix that, but I have other sources that say it is the 6HP26. 4.5 hours to swap the fluid and re-flash the computer? A skilled technician can remove the whole transmission in 4.5 hours!
The fluid you mention retails at $45 per unit ($46 canadian dollar) directly from VW, whether that is quart or liter or what ever and if you multiply that by 6 you get $270, which is still absurd, kind of a monopoly of sort on VW/ZF's part because people are afraid to switch to alternative fluids. Transmission fluid is not as complex as they make you believe. Many shops stock one or two generic fluids (Dexron VI and Mercon V) and then add the appropriate additive to supplement friction modifiers and they have no problem whatsoever. CVT transmissions cannot use this combination so they would require a different fluid altogether.
In terms of your shift concerns, give it time to set the adapts and then go from there. I know it is a waiting game, but damage will not likely happen as long as there isn't any slipping; the transmission can deal with mild banging but not slipping.
I don't think that you need to go to New York to visit Nat, but I would call him or email him to pick his brain though. I know what you mean with loosing faith in VW, I have my first VW, an 08 Jetta 2.5, which I enjoy for what it is but it has the nightmare of a transmission, the 09G, and I had to rebuild and experiment with the VB at about 65000 miles. This was all because the dealer wouldn't recognize that it had a problem, due to their ineptness. They did finally replace the VB, but the clutches were burnt so I had to deal with that end. It pissed me off, but in hindsight, the car is reliable, easy to fix, and parts are fairly priced, but it wasn't the first impression I was looking for. Keep your head up.