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    Thread: Seperation / Divorce

    1. Banned Chilledman's Avatar
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      01-30-2012 09:58 AM #1
      Buller ....

      Who's gone through it .
      How did you break the news that you wanted out ?


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      01-30-2012 10:04 AM #2
      What did you do this time, Chilledman?

    3. Banned Chilledman's Avatar
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      01-30-2012 10:13 AM #3
      Not what I have done, what I want to do.

      Been married for 12+ years ( since I was 20 )

      And just 0 intrest in it any more , along with realizing the Religion / Cult I used to be with is a load of crap , I feel that I need 100% change in my life right now.

      - alsothesexissobadidontevenwantitanymore

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      01-30-2012 10:18 AM #4
      I think getting married at 20 adds more complexity than I would understand. I'm sure there are people here that got married super young and lost a lot of their best years. JK

      Also, if you were married while in a religion/cult, then there is another level. I wouldn't feel bad about just being honest and letting her know that my life is completely different now and I need to move on. You know, the old it's not you, it's me talk.

    5. Banned Chilledman's Avatar
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      01-30-2012 10:20 AM #5
      Also while doing this I will end up alienating all my friends and family due to there Religious brain washing.

      TL;DR - Basicly bailing on everyone and everything and starting over.

      So more so to the woman , how would you want the news told to you by your significant other ?

    6. Banned Chilledman's Avatar
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      01-30-2012 10:23 AM #6
      Quote Originally Posted by Papa Dras View Post
      I think getting married at 20 adds more complexity than I would understand. I'm sure there are people here that got married super young and lost a lot of their best years. JK

      Also, if you were married while in a religion/cult, then there is another level. I wouldn't feel bad about just being honest and letting her know that my life is completely different now and I need to move on. You know, the old it's not you, it's me talk.
      dude I cant agree more !

      We have know each other for almost 20 years , and if its this bad now .....

      - I personally view its time to get out when she goes on a trip and you hope the plane crashes .....

      -Will be back in a week or so going to quit my job now and the laptop is theres so ...
      Leave some ideas !
      Last edited by Chilledman; 01-30-2012 at 10:48 AM.

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      01-30-2012 12:46 PM #7
      Got any kids?

      If not, this could be real easy to pull off.

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      01-30-2012 01:07 PM #8
      Exactly. He has no kids and his friends/wife are from a religious cult. Easy as pie in imo.

    9. Banned Chilledman's Avatar
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      01-30-2012 01:45 PM #9
      Quote Originally Posted by smittyATL View Post
      Got any kids?

      If not, this could be real easy to pull off.
      Hellllllsssss no !!!

      And with.the new job now.
      W with 60% + travel. And a non religious friend of mine with a open room this is the prime time to exscape .

      Trying to find the best way to break it to her more or less ....

      - logged.my phone in its worse typing on here then my laptop .....

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      01-30-2012 03:10 PM #10
      Quote Originally Posted by Chilledman View Post
      Trying to find the best way to break it to her more or less ...
      I guess if it's all about you and you know your wife wouldn't want to change to be with you, then just pull the cord. If it were ME, I'd carefully move a bunch of my stuff out before telling her (like when she's on that plane trip).

    11. Member titleist1976's Avatar
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      01-30-2012 04:01 PM #11
      Quote Originally Posted by Chilledman View Post

      -Will be back in a week or so going to quit my job now and the laptop is theres so ...
      Leave some ideas !
      Jesus... your typing is going to get WORSE!?

      I don't have any good advice, other than I would keep it short and simple. No need to go on forever or it'll just get worse. Kinda like your typing.

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      01-30-2012 04:32 PM #12
      maybe he puts as much work into his marriage as he does typing

    13. Banned Chilledman's Avatar
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      01-30-2012 09:57 PM #13
      Lol actually my spelling should be better since my phone autocorrects everything.

      I think I am just going to go with .

      It's.not you its me we have grown apart since I have changed.who I am and what I want in life over the last few years .

      . Is near the spacebar ....

    14. Banned Chilledman's Avatar
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      01-30-2012 09:58 PM #14
      Quote Originally Posted by Papa Dras View Post
      maybe he puts as much work into his marriage as he does typing
      Right now I am putting more into my spelling........

    15. Member titleist1976's Avatar
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      01-30-2012 10:13 PM #15
      Quote Originally Posted by Chilledman View Post
      Right now I am putting more into my spelling........
      Maybe that's what you should tell her? Haha

    16. Senior Member FlashRedGLS1.8T's Avatar
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      01-31-2012 06:45 AM #16
      Quote Originally Posted by Chilledman View Post
      So more so to the woman , how would you want the news told to you by your significant other ?
      Honest and direct. I'd ask for a serious discussion and then work from there. There is no easy way to break news like this.

      I had a hell of a time breaking up with girls in high school, I couldn't imagine how difficult it would be to do it with a wife of 12 years.

    17. Member StayGold11's Avatar
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      01-31-2012 10:49 AM #17
      Quote Originally Posted by Chilledman View Post
      Not what I have done, what I want to do.

      Been married for 12+ years ( since I was 20 )

      And just 0 intrest in it any more , along with realizing the Religion / Cult I used to be with is a load of crap , I feel that I need 100% change in my life right now.

      - alsothesexissobadidontevenwantitanymore
      that sucks, sorry to hear
      when did you quit buying into the religious stuff? did OT lead you into the Darkside?
      bwahahaha, personally I'd rather lol with the sinners than cry with the saints...

      I'm sure bringing up the discussion of divorce is going to be difficult, maybe drink a *little* beforehand, not too much though, haha

    18. Senior Member FlashRedGLS1.8T's Avatar
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      01-31-2012 11:20 AM #18
      Quote Originally Posted by mkII_short_dub View Post
      that sucks, sorry to hear
      when did you quit buying into the religious stuff?
      New job w/more money = insecurity issues gone



      Seriously Chilledman, good luck.


      I'm sure bringing up the discussion of divorce is going to be difficult, maybe drink a *little* beforehand, not too much though, haha

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      01-31-2012 02:18 PM #19
      This is why it's better to not get hitched in the 20s and just chill. When you look at love in your 20s, it felt so right and so perfect. Now you look back, it was so spur of the moment and so reckless and that's what made it feel so good.

      I think ultimately Marriages should have an expiration date so people can plan for an eventual separation or extension if things are working out.

      The person you marry should be someone that you are hiring to become your business partner. They have to fit your purpose in life and have the ability to complement your attributes.

    20. Banned Chilledman's Avatar
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      01-31-2012 03:16 PM #20
      Quote Originally Posted by Vision33r View Post
      This is why it's better to not get hitched in the 20s and just chill. When you look at love in your 20s, it felt so right and so perfect. Now you look back, it was so spur of the moment and so reckless and that's what made it feel so good.

      I think ultimately Marriages should have an expiration date so people can plan for an eventual separation or extension if things are working out.

      The person you marry should be someone that you are hiring to become your business partner. They have to fit your purpose in life and have the ability to complement your attributes.
      Minus the sex and the religion she's does .
      She is an awesome person and very helpful and willing to do most anything for me .

      But the relgion.thing is a huge issue and who wants a pretty much sexless life either ?

      She makes a great friend but a ****ty lover .
      And right now I just really want someone to burry into the mattress right now

      It's shallow I know but I have been there and done the rest I want something different .

    21. Banned Chilledman's Avatar
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      01-31-2012 03:17 PM #21
      Quote Originally Posted by FlashRedGLS1.8T View Post
      New job w/more money = insecurity issues gone



      Seriously Chilledman, good luck.




      Game set match !

    22. Banned Chilledman's Avatar
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      01-31-2012 03:24 PM #22
      Quote Originally Posted by mkII_short_dub View Post
      that sucks, sorry to hear
      when did you quit buying into the religious stuff? did OT lead you into the Darkside?
      bwahahaha, personally I'd rather lol with the sinners than cry with the saints...

      I'm sure bringing up the discussion of divorce is going to be difficult, maybe drink a *little* beforehand, not too much though, haha
      Hey since I will be single soon and covering Ohio .......lolz

      But seriously I personally never bought into it ever its something that I just did for everyone else and now with the new job and just comming to the simple relazation that its all bs , I have a short time here I want to enjoy that time I have left.

      That and its something that has been back there since I was.17 and finally.now able to act on it .

      Plus with the job and away every other week I know I won't be faithful and I would rather leave before I cheat on her.
      I personally.respect. her to much to do that to her .
      She needs someone else that is more family and more religious oriented then I will ever be.

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      01-31-2012 03:33 PM #23
      Divorce sucks, whether you wanted it or not. Plan to be angry as all hell at the crap she's going to put you through because "hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" You better be trying to hide that $20k because she or a lawyer is going to end up with it.

      You know why divorce is so expensive? Because it's ****ing worth it!

      Or, you can try to work it out with her first. Try marriage counseling. Although, I would never have married a Jehovah's Witness
      Quote Originally Posted by winstonsmith84 View Post
      Tax? I don't mind paying state sales tax. Every time a see a pothole, a school that is falling down or a canceled essential state program, I remind myself why.
      Quote Originally Posted by Tornado2dr View Post
      535 members of congress plus 1 pres screwing us all the time...that's dirty pirate hooker level gang rape.

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      01-31-2012 03:35 PM #24
      Quote Originally Posted by Chilledman View Post
      Hey since I will be single soon and covering Ohio .......lolz

      But seriously I personally never bought into it ever its something that I just did for everyone else and now with the new job and just comming to the simple relazation that its all bs , I have a short time here I want to enjoy that time I have left.

      That and its something that has been back there since I was.17 and finally.now able to act on it .

      Plus with the job and away every other week I know I won't be faithful and I would rather leave before I cheat on her.
      I personally.respect. her to much to do that to her .
      She needs someone else that is more family and more religious oriented then I will ever be.
      Taking a walk on the wild side and exploring your options from the homo thread?
      Quote Originally Posted by winstonsmith84 View Post
      Tax? I don't mind paying state sales tax. Every time a see a pothole, a school that is falling down or a canceled essential state program, I remind myself why.
      Quote Originally Posted by Tornado2dr View Post
      535 members of congress plus 1 pres screwing us all the time...that's dirty pirate hooker level gang rape.

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      01-31-2012 03:36 PM #25
      Quote Originally Posted by Chilledman View Post
      She makes a great friend but a ****ty lover .
      And right now I just really want someone to burry into the mattress right now
      Lol!

      Make sure you think through the long term consequences of going through with this.
      I'm not trying to tell you not do proceed, just reminding you that there are ramifications.

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      01-31-2012 03:40 PM #26
      Quote Originally Posted by Chilledman View Post
      She needs someone else that is more family and more religious oriented then I will ever be.
      I'm really glad I thought of this before I proceeded in marrying my high school sweetheart. We still keep in touch and she's on a totally different spectrum religously than I am...

      Friends...fine.
      Lovers...not really.
      Marriage....I'd commit suicide before marrying her.

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      01-31-2012 03:52 PM #27
      Quote Originally Posted by Chilledman View Post
      along with realizing the Religion / Cult I used to be with is a load of crap ,
      Impossible



      I'm curious, how did you fall for it to begin with?

    28. Member Das Pike's Avatar
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      01-31-2012 04:26 PM #28
      Quote Originally Posted by Chilledman View Post
      Lol actually my spelling should be better since my phone autocorrects everything.

      I think I am just going to go with .

      It's.not you its me we have grown apart since I have changed.who I am and what I want in life over the last few years .

      . Is near the spacebar ....
      Tell her that you've realized that you've stopped growing as a couple and started growing as individuals. Build from there. Don't bring in the religion thing but try and illustrate to her that you both want different things.

      Unfortunately I know some people that have also been in your situation. They got married very early, tried their best to make things work and realized they're a different person x amount of years later. Only other piece of advice I can give you is to do it now. Don't waste anymore time and emotion (on both sides). Good luck sir
      Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Just not their own facts.

    29. Banned Chilledman's Avatar
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      02-01-2012 04:54 PM #29
      Quote Originally Posted by VdubChaos View Post
      Impossible



      I'm curious, how did you fall for it to begin with?
      I was born into the Borg ......

      It was never my thing ever and has always been a thorn in my side , I never fit in never believed it and never understood the need for it either . That and personality wise I don't belong at all .

      It's just taken this much time to read others view points on them and mine were the same long before.

      Some people need someone or something else as a reason.to. live , I don't I live for the thrill of the day month or year .

      I don't need my reason to live is due some douche is having a pissing.match with some other douche of who's cooler , if they are acutally there , there worst then Politicians since there both happy to watch us suffer while doing not a thing . fck em both

      There both selfish *******s .
      Last edited by Chilledman; 02-01-2012 at 04:59 PM.

    30. Banned Chilledman's Avatar
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      02-01-2012 04:59 PM #30
      Quote Originally Posted by Egilbe View Post
      Taking a walk on the wild side and exploring your options from the homo thread?
      No the chubby and cougar thread are were my intrests are headed

    31. Geriatric Member firefighterjunkie's Avatar
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      02-01-2012 05:00 PM #31
      Just be honest with her. And make sure she knows that you aren't interested in reconciling or working things through, otherwise you'll just lead her on.

      Maybe she's been questioning her decision to marry you as well and due to religion won't be the one to initiate the divorce?

      My best friend is mormon and married a mormon guy when they were 21...after 5+ years he decided he didn't want to live that lifestyle anymore and they had a big heart to heart and they amicably divorced without attorneys. She wanted to continue her religious lifestyle, he didn't, so they came to the agreement that they were better off separate. *shrug* They are still friends now, and live completely different types of lifestyles.

    32. Banned Chilledman's Avatar
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      02-01-2012 05:01 PM #32
      Quote Originally Posted by Egilbe View Post
      Divorce sucks, whether you wanted it or not. Plan to be angry as all hell at the crap she's going to put you through because "hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" You better be trying to hide that $20k because she or a lawyer is going to end up with it.

      You know why divorce is so expensive? Because it's ****ing worth it!

      Or, you can try to work it out with her first. Try marriage counseling. Although, I would never have married a Jehovah's Witness
      Money I dont care about at all , as far as I am concered she can have everything .
      All I need is my actual clothes that are mine and the rest is hers.

      I know she wont stay at the house so , I am hoping to get that back but if not I can find another place with ease.

    33. Banned Chilledman's Avatar
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      02-01-2012 05:04 PM #33
      Quote Originally Posted by firefighterjunkie View Post
      Just be honest with her. And make sure she knows that you aren't interested in reconciling or working things through, otherwise you'll just lead her on.

      Maybe she's been questioning her decision to marry you as well and due to religion won't be the one to initiate the divorce?

      My best friend is mormon and married a mormon guy when they were 21...after 5+ years he decided he didn't want to live that lifestyle anymore and they had a big heart to heart and they amicably divorced without attorneys. She wanted to continue her religious lifestyle, he didn't, so they came to the agreement that they were better off separate. *shrug* They are still friends now, and live completely different types of lifestyles.
      We spoke about something like this about 4-5 months ago where I wanted more space for myself and didnt want to spend as much time with her . She took that ok ish. She still want to stay together , but with the new job and being gone every other week she complained about that, I personally view what each of us needs out of a significant other is 100% different.
      She needs someone there all the time where I need someone there once and great while , and being married for so long its driving me nuts.

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      02-02-2012 09:32 AM #34
      Quote Originally Posted by Chilledman View Post
      She needs someone there all the time where I need someone there once and great while , and being married for so long its driving me nuts.
      You just found out above now? Should've thought about that before you got married. But I understand things change.

      So you have 0 love for your wife?

      Hope you are not thinking about another relationship anytime soon...

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      02-02-2012 10:52 AM #35
      Sorry to hear about this Chilledman...

      But if it's the right thing to do then it's the right thing to do.

      Keep us posted!

      BTW...i'm curious, which "cult" were you in?

      Good luck dude!
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