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    Thread: Seperation / Divorce

    1. Member NZTIGUAN's Avatar
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      02-14-2012 06:51 PM #71
      Quote Originally Posted by FlashRedGLS1.8T View Post
      What would you suggest?
      That he actually "grows a pair" and talks to his wife in a genuine and caring way. After that, if they can't reach a compromise that satisfies them both THEN by all means go down the separation / divorce track TOGETHER !!

      I'm not saying that they should stay together regardless, but I am saying he needs to be a decent person over the whole deal and not just "dump and run". No woman deserves that and he'd be the first to bleat if it was done to him.

      I'm one of the "lucky ones", been married 38 years, married at 19 and 21, and the harder we try the more "lucky" we get. Dump and run is for a-holes.
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    2. Senior Member FlashRedGLS1.8T's Avatar
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      02-14-2012 07:03 PM #72
      Been with my wife since I was 18, she was 17. Married at 24.

    3. Senior Member FlashRedGLS1.8T's Avatar
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      02-14-2012 07:05 PM #73
      Quote Originally Posted by NZTIGUAN View Post
      Dump and run is for a-holes.
      If I remember correctly, he said that they've had some conversations about the viability of their marriage previously.

      No a-hole.

    4. Member NZTIGUAN's Avatar
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      02-14-2012 08:10 PM #74
      Quote Originally Posted by FlashRedGLS1.8T View Post
      If I remember correctly, he said that they've had some conversations about the viability of their marriage previously.

      No a-hole.
      Well why's he talking about telling her and then running away for a week, hardly an up-front "decent" thing to do in anybody's books !!
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    5. Member Tornado2dr's Avatar
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      02-15-2012 06:07 AM #75
      Quote Originally Posted by NZTIGUAN View Post
      Well why's he talking about telling her and then running away for a week, hardly an up-front "decent" thing to do in anybody's books !!
      Well, there would never be a "good" time or "decent" time to do something like this. I suspect the week trip would actually make things more convenient for all - would YOU want to spend a night or the next few nights in the same house as your just-now-don't-love-you-anymore spouse?

    6. Senior Member ClockworkChad's Avatar
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      02-15-2012 09:22 AM #76
      Quote Originally Posted by NZTIGUAN View Post
      Well why's he talking about telling her and then running away for a week, hardly an up-front "decent" thing to do in anybody's books !!
      hes not running away for a week, he just isnt going to be there. shes going to be a wreck for the whole week. the only thing worse than dealing with an emotional wreck of a wife is dealing with an emotional wreck of a wife you dont want to bang anymore.
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      02-15-2012 09:49 AM #77
      Quote Originally Posted by dunhamjr View Post
      agree.

      but talking about grandparents is a little out of touch.

      they grew up in a vastly different time. values and such are WAY different when you look at people who were getting married 50-70 years ago.
      Yea, they had a MUCH crazier time.

      WW2
      50s/60s/70s

      If you ask me, it would've been tougher to keep marriage back then. They delt with some severe problems (starvation, REAL war, boomers, infiltration of drugs.....etc)

      It's different, sure, but don't think they had it better cause that's not true.

    8. Senior Member dunhamjr's Avatar
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      02-15-2012 11:13 AM #78
      Quote Originally Posted by VdubChaos View Post
      Yea, they had a MUCH crazier time.

      WW2
      50s/60s/70s

      If you ask me, it would've been tougher to keep marriage back then. They delt with some severe problems (starvation, REAL war, boomers, infiltration of drugs.....etc)

      It's different, sure, but don't think they had it better cause that's not true.
      a lot of time hardship brings people together.

      to 'steal' from another thread. look at the bond formed between soldiers. those people start building a bond in boot as they are being torn down, and if they ever get deployed... the people they are there with almost become all part of the same person... when one is lost its almost as if someone just cut off your own arm.
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      02-15-2012 11:52 AM #79
      Quote Originally Posted by dunhamjr View Post
      a lot of time hardship brings people together.

      to 'steal' from another thread. look at the bond formed between soldiers. those people start building a bond in boot as they are being torn down, and if they ever get deployed... the people they are there with almost become all part of the same person... when one is lost its almost as if someone just cut off your own arm.
      I'm not disagreeing with you, BUT just keep in mind that it tests marriages like NOTHING that happens today's day and age.

      So let's just agree that differences balance each other out. Is that fair?

      And you would be VERY surprised how many marriages last from very young age.

    10. 02-15-2012 12:47 PM #80
      Quote Originally Posted by VdubChaos View Post
      I'm not disagreeing with you, BUT just keep in mind that it tests marriages like NOTHING that happens today's day and age.

      So let's just agree that differences balance each other out. Is that fair?

      And you would be VERY surprised how many marriages last from very young age.
      Marriage gets really tested today. If it didn't why do people get divorced so much in this country? It's ok to get divorced. For women more so than ever before. She'll get child support and custody of the child, and then alimony to do what she wants all day. Why stay if you're not 100% happy, and the grass looks greener on the other side? I'm pretty sure most divorces are initiated by women, and that's because there is little to lose, and sometimes a lot to gain.

      This tests marriages like NOTHING previously.


      BTW, using all caps doesn't make your point any more true. Still just an opinion.

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      02-15-2012 01:10 PM #81
      Quote Originally Posted by PolskiHetzen View Post
      Marriage gets really tested today. If it didn't why do people get divorced so much in this country? It's ok to get divorced. For women more so than ever before. She'll get child support and custody of the child, and then alimony to do what she wants all day. Why stay if you're not 100% happy, and the grass looks greener on the other side? I'm pretty sure most divorces are initiated by women, and that's because there is little to lose, and sometimes a lot to gain.

      This tests marriages like NOTHING previously.


      BTW, using all caps doesn't make your point any more true. Still just an opinion.
      You are assuming most women have intentions of above, and they don't.

      I also think you are forgetting that back in the day women would get abused physically LOT more than now days. I doubt abuse can be topped by "legal system will hook me up" type of thinking.

      Both Women and Men get married for companionship in their life. That's what marriage is about. Marriages have always been tested. They might be tested in different ways but in general test is still a test. Don't give me the "it's different" excuse.

      Reason for higher divorce rates is pretty simple (there is many but this is probably the biggest). People used to take time to get to know each other before jumping into bed. People knew that it takes TIME to get to know SO. In general, most say it takes at least 2 years to really know someone.

      We live in society of "if there is no sex by 2nd date it's over". It's all fun and games until you realize that by getting into Intimacy with someone you hardly know, you skip A LOT of steps that should be taken to recognize who the person is that you are sleeping with.

      Then you get into the whole domino effect. People advance in relationships so fast now days. It used to take months/years to reach certain levels, now its weeks/months if not days.

      What do you expect?

      Trust me when I say this, there is a very good reason why people used to take their time. Most people now days are not willing to learn these "outdated"/old fashioned lessons.

      Result: they learn the hard way



      Assuming you are looking for a serious relationship, it is in your best interest to take your time and make sure you know exactly who the person is you are getting involved with. Time is the key here. Any new relationship makes people weak in their knees and exciting.

      People tend to go with their feelings/heart vs use their brain.

      It's like a business process. If you go from A to P, B-O will cause major havoc on whatever it is that you are trying to accomplish.

    12. 02-15-2012 02:32 PM #82
      Quote Originally Posted by VdubChaos View Post
      You are assuming most women have intentions of above, and they don't.

      I also think you are forgetting that back in the day women would get abused physically LOT more than now days. I doubt abuse can be topped by "legal system will hook me up" type of thinking.

      Both Women and Men get married for companionship in their life. That's what marriage is about. Marriages have always been tested. They might be tested in different ways but in general test is still a test. Don't give me the "it's different" excuse.

      Reason for higher divorce rates is pretty simple (there is many but this is probably the biggest). People used to take time to get to know each other before jumping into bed. People knew that it takes TIME to get to know SO. In general, most say it takes at least 2 years to really know someone.

      We live in society of "if there is no sex by 2nd date it's over". It's all fun and games until you realize that by getting into Intimacy with someone you hardly know, you skip A LOT of steps that should be taken to recognize who the person is that you are sleeping with.

      Then you get into the whole domino effect. People advance in relationships so fast now days. It used to take months/years to reach certain levels, now its weeks/months if not days.

      What do you expect?

      Trust me when I say this, there is a very good reason why people used to take their time. Most people now days are not willing to learn these "outdated"/old fashioned lessons.

      Result: they learn the hard way



      Assuming you are looking for a serious relationship, it is in your best interest to take your time and make sure you know exactly who the person is you are getting involved with. Time is the key here. Any new relationship makes people weak in their knees and exciting.

      People tend to go with their feelings/heart vs use their brain.

      It's like a business process. If you go from A to P, B-O will cause major havoc on whatever it is that you are trying to accomplish.
      So you know what most women do and don't? Amazing.

      You can't deny the fact that women get the better end of the stick in divorce.

      And this is from the first page of google, however reputable that is.

      "Moreover, in some of the states where no-fault divorce was introduced, over 70 percent of the divorce filings were by women. Among college-educated couples, the percentage of divorces initiated by wives is a whopping 90 percent."

      http://www.divorce-lawyer-source.com...-or-women.html

      I'm not an actuary, but that looks like cause and effect to me. Women have more options, so women try to explore all those options and it's often not good enough.

      And why should I trust you? Are 100 years old? GTFO with your know it all attitude. I can see why people call you out on your BS all the time. In my family, people got married quick and/or at a young age. They're all together. So YOU trust ME when I say that it doesn't matter.
      Last edited by PolskiHetzen; 02-15-2012 at 02:35 PM.

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      02-15-2012 02:49 PM #83
      Quote Originally Posted by PolskiHetzen View Post
      So you know what most women do and don't? Amazing.
      Way to take my statement to Mars.

      Quote Originally Posted by PolskiHetzen View Post
      You can't deny the fact that women get the better end of the stick in divorce. .
      Where did I deny it?

      Quote Originally Posted by PolskiHetzen View Post
      And this is from the first page of google, however reputable that is.

      "Moreover, in some of the states where no-fault divorce was introduced, over 70 percent of the divorce filings were by women. Among college-educated couples, the percentage of divorces initiated by wives is a whopping 90 percent."

      http://www.divorce-lawyer-source.com...-or-women.html

      I'm not an actuary, but that looks like cause and effect to me. Women have more options, so women try to explore all those options and it's often not good enough.
      Your point?

      Quote Originally Posted by PolskiHetzen View Post
      And why should I trust you? Are 100 years old? GTFO with your know it all attitude. I can see why people call you out on your BS all the time. In my family, people got married quick and/or at a young age. They're all together. So YOU trust ME when I say that it doesn't matter.
      I see what you did there. You come off as a prick only to confirm what I stated in previous posts.

      Zawsze mozna czlowieka wziasc ze wsi, ale nigdy nie mozna wybic wsi z czlowieka.



      I love it. first you ask me for a question. I give you my answer/opinion and all of the sudden I'm the "know it all".

    14. 02-15-2012 03:31 PM #84
      Quote Originally Posted by VdubChaos View Post
      Way to take my statement to Mars.


      Where did I deny it?

      Your point?


      I see what you did there. You come off as a prick only to confirm what I stated in previous posts.

      Zawsze mozna czlowieka wziasc ze wsi, ale nigdy nie mozna wybic wsi z czlowieka.



      I love it. first you ask me for a question. I give you my answer/opinion and all of the sudden I'm the "know it all".
      Because you say 'trust me' as if you've been around, and know how people got hitched. I know as much as you about that, based on what people I've met told me. And my side differs from yours.

      My point was, that it doesn't matter how long you've known each other. If a you think the grass is greener on the other side, and you might get rewarded for trying, why stay and make what you have work? Or if you've known someone for years, why not go out and try some strange like all your friends did during their college years that you missed on because you're going out with you high school sweetheart? There is so little penalty for a failed marriage to a women, and sometimes reward. For men there is also very little penalty. 100 years ago, if there were no other 40 year divorcees you were going to be one lonely person. Not the case today.

      Love the saying. Aren't you the one who isn't a fan of higher education?
      Last edited by PolskiHetzen; 02-15-2012 at 03:33 PM.

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      02-15-2012 03:53 PM #85
      Quote Originally Posted by PolskiHetzen View Post
      Because you say 'trust me' as if you've been around, and know how people got hitched. I know as much as you about that, based on what people I've met told me. And my side differs from yours.
      I didn't know 2 simple words of my opinion would offend you so much.



      Quote Originally Posted by PolskiHetzen View Post
      My point was, that it doesn't matter how long you've known each other. If a you think the grass is greener on the other side, and you might get rewarded for trying, why stay and make what you have work? Or if you've known someone for years, why not go out and try some strange like all your friends did during their college years that you missed on because you're going out with you high school sweetheart?


      Grass is freener?

      Rewarded?

      Why not break the marriage for a piece of ass?

      We are WORLD apart my friend. This is exactly the reason why so many marriages fail. People get caught up in "what our society" says.

      You HAVE to go to collage. You HAVE to **** million people before you get married (cause you know that REALLY builds the foundation of a healthy relationship and all).



      You say why not. I say why bother? You see, we are all different people. Your goal might be *****, mine is companionship/relationship and love.

      Also, watching many people over the years chasing arse day in and day out really didn't help. Things they would do to accomplish their goal (to other people/friends and themselves) was rather pathetic (although fun to watch from sideline).

      Quote Originally Posted by PolskiHetzen View Post
      There is so little penalty for a failed marriage to a women, and sometimes reward. For men there is also very little penalty. 100 years ago, if there were no other 40 year divorcees you were going to be one lonely person. Not the case today.

      Love the saying. Aren't you the one who isn't a fan of higher education?


      You starting to sound like TDE now (or current day Media). Take every little thing and blow it WAY out of proportion.



      I think Education is the key to success and very important. But I don't like the current cost of it and how banks/Universities are using that against the general public to get rich.

      Especially since Universities around the world are putting out better talent at fraction of the cost.

      That sums it up.
      Last edited by VdubChaos; 02-15-2012 at 03:58 PM.

    16. 02-15-2012 03:56 PM #86
      [QUOTE=VdubChaos;75928416]
      Quote Originally Posted by PolskiHetzen View Post
      Because you say 'trust me' as if you've been around, and know how people got hitched. I know as much as you about that, based on what people I've met told me. And my side differs from yours./QUOTE]

      I didn't know 2 simple words of my opinion would offend you so much.







      Grass is freener?

      Rewarded?

      Why not break the marriage for a piece of ass?

      We are WORLD apart my friend. This is exactly the reason why so many marriages fail. People get caught up in "what our society" says.

      You HAVE to go to collage. You HAVE to **** million people before you get married (cause you know that REALLY builds the foundation of a healthy relationship and all).



      You say why not. I say why bother? You see, we are all different people. Your goal might be *****, mine is companionship/relationship and love.





      You starting to sound like TDE now (or current day Media). Take every little thing and blow it WAY out of proportion.



      I think Education is the key to success and very important. But I don't think the current cost of it and how banks/Universities are using that against the general public to get rich.

      That sums it up.
      I'm commenting on what I think is going on, not what I would do or believe is right. What I believe has nothing to do with what is going on.

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      02-15-2012 04:00 PM #87
      Quote Originally Posted by PolskiHetzen View Post

      I'm commenting on what I think is going on, not what I would do or believe is right. What I believe has nothing to do with what is going on.
      AHA

      See what happens when I give you a little bit of a taste of your own shiit?


    18. Senior Member FlashRedGLS1.8T's Avatar
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      02-15-2012 04:25 PM #88
      Polski, save yourself brother. "Trust me" on that, no use in a back and forth with this guy.

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      02-15-2012 04:27 PM #89
      Trust you? Who the hell are you? Are you 100 years old or something?


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      02-15-2012 11:10 PM #90
      Quote Originally Posted by ClockworkChad View Post
      good luck man, you see lots of people drag out in relationships that arent happy. seems like you are being level headed and reasonable.

      my guess is that she is of some hardcore religion and sex and all that is dirty/for procreation only.
      Not sure what happend in this thread in the last day

      Acutally shes not that bad her family and my family are the nuts.
      And she views sex the same way I do actually, its just that I have 0 intrest in having sex with her ever again.
      Shes an awesome person minus some minor things that before didnt bother me but when you relize its not getting better and the sex blows those minor things become major irritations, and they shouldn't at all.
      I view her more like my sister or a close friend then anything else, she managed to friend zone herself in our marriage when she got fat, shes now has dropped 50 pds and in good shape for her size but I have 0 interest in her at all.

      So the simple and dumb stuff set me off or set her off , and that sucks. Shes a great person to hang out with , go to the gym with , go to the movies with and thats it. She kicks ass as a cook, knows all them housemaker / wifey things, but ........ sex .

      This is not something I just decided to do one day and , said hey ! Lets go **** my life up and someone elses I care about alot .

      Theres not one time I dont think about when I am going to tell her this that I dont tear up .

      We did have a conversation about 6 months ago that I wanted to spend less time with her since she does drive me nuts , but thats due to just simpley being tired of being around each other every single day. I realize now that due to a simple fact of I am tired of the no sex crap.

      You want to be married to someone that you desire and you want the other person to desire you also just as much.

      Would you want to be married to someone who doesnt desire you as much as you desire them ,do you want to married to someone who is actually all but creeped out / gross out by you kissing them.

      If I was in the other side of it I would rather know honestly and let that other person go then force someone to be unhappy .

      It sucks with out a doubt , since I still do care alot about her , I just dont care / love her enought to stay with her.

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      02-16-2012 09:34 AM #91
      Quote Originally Posted by Chilledman View Post
      Not sure what happend in this thread in the last day

      Acutally shes not that bad her family and my family are the nuts.
      And she views sex the same way I do actually, its just that I have 0 intrest in having sex with her ever again.
      Shes an awesome person minus some minor things that before didnt bother me but when you relize its not getting better and the sex blows those minor things become major irritations, and they shouldn't at all.
      I view her more like my sister or a close friend then anything else, she managed to friend zone herself in our marriage when she got fat, shes now has dropped 50 pds and in good shape for her size but I have 0 interest in her at all.


      Sounds like you didn't/don't really love her. What does weight got to do with anything? If you love someone, weight, looks...whatever is irrelevant.


      Quote Originally Posted by Chilledman View Post
      So the simple and dumb stuff set me off or set her off , and that sucks. Shes a great person to hang out with , go to the gym with , go to the movies with and thats it. She kicks ass as a cook, knows all them housemaker / wifey things, but ........ sex .

      This is not something I just decided to do one day and , said hey ! Lets go **** my life up and someone elses I care about alot .

      Theres not one time I dont think about when I am going to tell her this that I dont tear up .

      We did have a conversation about 6 months ago that I wanted to spend less time with her since she does drive me nuts , but thats due to just simpley being tired of being around each other every single day. I realize now that due to a simple fact of I am tired of the no sex crap.

      You want to be married to someone that you desire and you want the other person to desire you also just as much.

      Would you want to be married to someone who doesnt desire you as much as you desire them ,do you want to married to someone who is actually all but creeped out / gross out by you kissing them.

      If I was in the other side of it I would rather know honestly and let that other person go then force someone to be unhappy .

      It sucks with out a doubt , since I still do care alot about her , I just dont care / love her enought to stay with her.
      kind of sounds like you reached your 7 year mark here.

      Weird, in one sentence you say you have no interest in having sex with her, but then you say "tired of no sex crap".

      Which one is it? Why don't you want to have sex with her? Why doesn't she want to have sex with you?

      This sounds like the core of the issue now. Not the "religion" thing.

      Now we are getting somewhere.hehe

      More you post, more I get a feeling that you just want to go out and F someone else.
      Last edited by VdubChaos; 02-16-2012 at 09:39 AM.

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      02-16-2012 10:27 AM #92
      So, in the end, it comes down to nothing but Chilledman needing to sow some oats. It sounds like she is actually a pretty kick ass wife and you just aren't attracted to her. That is a huge thing, but I'd think it over and make sure you aren't just in a phase before you go and screw it up. Every guy I know that is married gets into phases where they just aren't into their wives and are into everything else that walks. It's normal. What isn't normal is walking out on a marriage for it.

      Make sure you aren't just thinking with your dick, because it rarely ever ends up like you think.

    23. Senior Member FlashRedGLS1.8T's Avatar
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      02-16-2012 10:40 AM #93
      Quote Originally Posted by Papa Dras View Post
      So, in the end, it comes down to nothing but Chilledman needing to sow some oats. It sounds like she is actually a pretty kick ass wife and you just aren't attracted to her. That is a huge thing, but I'd think it over and make sure you aren't just in a phase before you go and screw it up. Every guy I know that is married gets into phases where they just aren't into their wives and are into everything else that walks. It's normal.
      i.e. just friends

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      02-16-2012 10:49 AM #94
      Not at all. It's just life. I feel fortunate to have a lot of friends that are actually very happily married and everyone goes through phases. You keep them in your head and power on.

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      02-16-2012 11:29 AM #95
      Quote Originally Posted by Papa Dras View Post
      Not at all. It's just life. I feel fortunate to have a lot of friends that are actually very happily married and everyone goes through phases. You keep them in your head and power on.


      Mostly agreed; there are some couples that won't work for, where it's not just a phase.

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      02-16-2012 11:38 AM #96
      Quote Originally Posted by Papa Dras View Post
      So, in the end, it comes down to nothing but Chilledman needing to sow some oats. It sounds like she is actually a pretty kick ass wife and you just aren't attracted to her. That is a huge thing, but I'd think it over and make sure you aren't just in a phase before you go and screw it up. Every guy I know that is married gets into phases where they just aren't into their wives and are into everything else that walks. It's normal. What isn't normal is walking out on a marriage for it.

      Make sure you aren't just thinking with your dick, because it rarely ever ends up like you think.
      Good point

    27. Banned Chilledman's Avatar
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      02-16-2012 12:05 PM #97
      Thanks for the input keep it coming !

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      02-16-2012 12:17 PM #98
      I think we are done. It's up to you, man.

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      02-16-2012 12:58 PM #99
      yea just make sure you post some picture of the new chick


    30. Member titleist1976's Avatar
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      02-16-2012 08:16 PM #100
      Quote Originally Posted by Papa Dras View Post
      So, in the end, it comes down to nothing but Chilledman needing to sow some oats. It sounds like she is actually a pretty kick ass wife and you just aren't attracted to her. That is a huge thing, but I'd think it over and make sure you aren't just in a phase before you go and screw it up. Every guy I know that is married gets into phases where they just aren't into their wives and are into everything else that walks. It's normal. What isn't normal is walking out on a marriage for it.

      Make sure you aren't just thinking with your dick, because it rarely ever ends up like you think.
      Everything here. Especially the last sentence.

    31. Banned Chilledman's Avatar
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      02-17-2012 10:18 AM #101
      She is possibly the best friend you can have .
      As a wife ....... Meh at best.

      If you don't desire your wife it's only time till you cheat on her.

      To me that time is coming sooner everyday especially with the amount of traveling I will be doing for work.

      Maybe if I was 40+ or 50+ and my dick wasn't working then then it would be a different story !

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      02-17-2012 10:34 AM #102
      Quote Originally Posted by titleist1976 View Post
      Everything here. Especially the last sentence.
      Yup. Couldn't agree more.

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      02-17-2012 01:27 PM #103
      Quote Originally Posted by Chilledman View Post
      As a wife ....... Meh at best.

      !
      Please explain.

      Also tell us what makes you a great husband.


    34. Senior Member FlashRedGLS1.8T's Avatar
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      02-17-2012 01:41 PM #104
      Quote Originally Posted by VdubChaos View Post
      Please explain.

      Also tell us what makes you a great husband.
      He didn't say he was.

    35. Banned Chilledman's Avatar
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      02-17-2012 02:07 PM #105
      Lol if I was a great husband I wouldn't be thinking this way at all .

      How about this what does everyone view what makes a great wife .

      I could be way off in my thought!

      - willing to deal with any of us isn't one of them since we have to deal with them lol

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