1 week down .
Onto week 2
The amount of work she is willing to put in should be replicated by person she is with , and I know that I am not interested nor capable of doing that . And that's what hurts the most out of anything else. It almost feels like you failed them.
The saddest part she will never see that .
Got separated two weeks ago.
The day she got pregnant (which is in October 2010) is basically the last day she was willing to have ''physical interaction'' let say. Then she started to come up with more and more excuses, starting with ''I have pain'', then evolving to trouble coming from her past. I've always been very comprehensive to her and patient. I cared a lot about her. Then one day, when my son was about 3 months old, she told me that she had no more feeling for me. I thought it was related to the difficulties of raising a young baby and that she might be depressive. We went to counselling for about 3 months. She also saw a psychiatrist. But even with all this, she didn't change. She didn't want me to hold her in my arms, she didn't want me to do any nices things for her. She didn't want to try bringing the love back. And one day she told me that she was going to leave.
All these time to counselling I asked her if I did something wrong and if so that I want to work on it with her, but she never came up with anything. I know I have things to work on, I'm not perfect. I'm not a lazy guy and I helped her with the baby and in the house. But at one point the situation became extremely frustrating for me.
I think the whole thing is insane. Her behaviour would be expected from a teenager, but not from a mother of a son who's less that 1 year old. I've been so patient all the way and got no reward. At least I'm a good dad and will be having my son half the time and get to keep the house. I'll give him my best. But the whole thing makes me wonder what really happened, cause to this day I don't know. I don't believe in the ''i lost feelings'' crap.
The child was planned by the way and she loves him. I also know that she's not seeing someone else.
I don't really buy the ''trouble from the past'' thing. She was abused once, but she hasn't been raped. She showed to be pretty ok before she turned into a cold blooded woman.
I don't know if I'll ever put my feelings in the hands of someone else, because she really destroyed my dreams and broken my heart.
Been married for 17 months and I feel we're on the outskirts. I work all the time and go to sleep early, she works all the time and comes home late. She gets pissed when she comes home and I'm asleep. We never do anything together, she's either with her friends and I'm either with my friends, when we do happen to do something together its more for her. I'll go to her friends party but not vise versa. When we do see each other we constantly argue about the little dumb stuff. Frankly, I'm getting so sick and tired and stressed out I'm about to call it quits.
I does happen you just "loose that feeling" you just stop enjoying the other persons presences , regardless what the other person does they just annoy you . I will be honest being on this end does suck , you remember all the good times together you remember the feelings and the amazingness of the relationship and then ..... bam its gone , you don't know when or why it happens but it just does .
Now that person goes from being the love of your life to someone thats just "there" and here always just there , they never leave they just "there"
Trust me it sucks , I am going to loose someone I do care about as a friend but not as my wife or love or companion.
Whats worse is trying to explain that to the other person with out completely crushing them.
If you haven't figured it out by now, you won't. If she's not interested in fixing what's wrong, or at least working on it, then it's best for the two of you to continue on parted paths.But the whole thing makes me wonder what really happened, cause to this day I don't know.
I need to follow this... "Not everything you eat has to, or should, taste really f*cking awesome. Sometimes you need to eat 'boring' food to stay healthy.
I will say it again as I've said many times that marriage license should be like a driver's license. It should come with an expiration date.
In most cases, couples should renew it and their vows towards each other. In other cases, it serves as a good way to create mutual separation if there's no more commitment or amicable resolution in the relationship.
There are times when I think how it would be to be by myself because my wife can drive me bat ****e crazy with her anxiety/planning/needing to be doing something mentality. But those are not all the time and kids will change everything. I would do anything in my power to never change the environment for my kids and to make life hard for them because of mom and dad.
I know some people would disagree, but I think that once kids are in the picture, you are responsible to make things work until it is no longer a healthy environment. Stop thinking about yourself and realize the impact that your actions are having. I don't care how hard it can be, it isn't about you anymore.
And I've been with my husband for 10 years this summer...married for almost 2 of those (anniversary next week). Got together at 15, married at 23. Still pretty dang happy.
Heck, a good friend of mine and her brother begged their parents to get a divorce. They were doing a "stay together for the kids" thing and it just wasn't working. While it was tough, it was all better for everyone in the end.
Really, I'm all about honesty. If you are putting on a front for your kids, that's not healthy. Things got bad between my parents for a bit, and as hard as it was for me, I'm glad I knew. I wouldn't want them to fake it for me. I want them to be happy and if them not being together is what makes them happy then so be it. Luckily for me, they really work at their marriage and stuck together through the bad times.
When you start to fantasize ways of killing them or hoping they die every day coming and going from work , or they die in an airplane crash while visiting her sister ....... well its time to move on.
Not only that the sex sucks , she wants kids and I don't and the religion thing we both are going in two completely different directions in life.
I hope she realizes it some day that this is for the better of the both of us .
As for the ''nobody should get married before 25'' comment, I'd say that the success stories from the previous generation don't apply anymore. Yes it ''could'' work, but it's unlikely since people only think about themself, instead of thinking about the big picture. And I know where Chilledman is coming from, I was in the same stupid cult and all the kids get married at 18. I'm sorry but at 18, your brain isn't even done developping, you don't even know who you are and who you want to be. At 25 you understand things a lot better and have enough experience to make a decent choice... but it could still lead to an epic failure.
But you know what? Once you realize that this little monster is a part of you, when you feel him move and kick for the first time, when you see his little heart beating like crazy on the screen, when you see him for the first time.. all I can say is that's the best thing a man can experience in his life. I love my son like nothing else on this planet and would do everything for him. I still have a life, I go hiking still and still have my mecanical and photo hobbies. Plus all the chicks come and talk to me when I take a walk. He's a lot more than I ever thought to be true, and I feel that I have a real reason to live, no matter how bad my life is. He needs me and I'll be there for him.
The hard stuff like him waking up at night doesn't last that long and you get used to it fast. The diapers are not a big deal really. And it's not that expensive.
This is possible that it's indeed not for you. But I'm telling ya, you'd discover new strenght and more things about yourself in 6 months than what you could discover during your whole life otherwise.
To this day she says, "we just weren't getting along," but I recall almost every fight we had until the end: little things she provoked just to get me fired up and call me out when I'd get angry. But I can't help but wonder if I'd put my family before my career from the beginning, would this be an issue? ...
Last edited by TheMel; 05-23-2012 at 04:28 AM.
I think a marriage is more fragile than a normal relationship. Say something wrong at the wrong time can easily escalate to something a lot more than one can imagine. I think one of the problem is that people feel trapped. My wife is a stay at home mom and has to handle 3 kids and thing can get really rough for her. The best thing I can offer her is to send her out with girlfriends and enjoy herself without the girls and myself and things get better so quickly for our relationship.
For other couples I think the best thing to do some times is time away from each other to reflect on things. Arguments flare up because everyone is stressed out with the routines. I'm not an expert on relationships but I've been married for 11 years and been through the ups and downs.
I think that you have a poor marriage that either needs some help or possibly should not be married if it is more fragile than another relationship. There tends to be a lot more in a marriage than in other relationships- kids, bills, personal responsibilities, chores, etc. It takes a lot to get through these things and it causes stress on individuals and that can translate into the relationship. Not everyone copes or deals the same way and it can be hard to take a step back and see that when you are married.
The fact that you can send your wife off with her friends (as I often do), to clear her head and everything is good again, indicates that it is more healthy than fragile. Fragile relationships don't know how to address situations in that manner and a simple night out doesn't make things better.