S.C.S. - Single Child Syndrome

[A.Wilder]

My step-son has SCS, bad. But first, let me explain he symptoms. He is 15 and into computers, thus he thinks he knows everything there is to computers, networking, videogames, etc. He is a know-it-all to the point that he has alienated some of his close friends with his jerk behavior. It's really dorky, but he and one of his best friends had a major split up over Minecraft .

Anyways, how do his mother and I address this issue? He had a friend spend the night over the weekend and they got along pretty well but there were moments when his SCS was flaring. He has a lot of trouble sharing things and letting people do things at their pace or letting other people/friends chose an activity. He is huge into videogames and another problem is that he will put his headphones on and act like a total jerk anytime we ask him to do a chore, such as taking out the trash. I know a lot of this is typical teenage behavior, but if I don't figure out how to handle this like an adult I'm afraid I'll handle it like a child and say something hurtful to him.

[FlashRedGLS1.8T]

My step-son has SCS, bad. But first, let me explain he symptoms. He is 15 and into computers, thus he thinks he knows everything there is to computers, networking, videogames, etc. He is a know-it-all to the point that he has alienated some of his close friends with his jerk behavior. It's really dorky, but he and one of his best friends had a major split up over Minecraft .

Anyways, how do his mother and I address this issue? He had a friend spend the night over the weekend and they got along pretty well but there were moments when his SCS was flaring. He has a lot of trouble sharing things and letting people do things at their pace or letting other people/friends chose an activity. He is huge into videogames and another problem is that he will put his headphones on and act like a total jerk anytime we ask him to do a chore, such as taking out the trash. I know a lot of this is typical teenage behavior, but if I don't figure out how to handle this like an adult I'm afraid I'll handle it like a child and say something hurtful to him.

Are you and his mom on the same level with where the issue is?

[You are to blame]

He doesn't want to do chores? Take away his video games and store them in the garage. That's all I have to offer since my kids are not at that age yet.

[smittyATL]

Fifteen's not too late to start wearing that @$$ out.

Otherwise, it sounds like video games are this kid's weakness.

[Tornado2dr]

Are you and his mom on the same level with where the issue is?

This.

Also - he doesn't have single child syndrome(is that even a real thing?) He is spoiled. He doesn't have to share, clean up after himself(chores), or respect others.

That's spoiled.

He's 15. Time to hurt his feelings, toss some video games, and tell him to straighten up before the world does it for him.

As an only child i'm pretty normal - but then again, my mom didn't spoil me, either.

[Diamond Dave]

Are you and his mom on the same level with where the issue is?

This.

Also - he doesn't have single child syndrome(is that even a real thing?) He is spoiled.

And this.



I'm afraid it's time for tough love at your house. Is it possible you and your wife are trying to be your son's friend or be the good guys instead of being parents? The following phrase is something that I think parents should revisit occasionally:

If your children aren't terribly frustrated or angry with you or your decisions on frequent occasions, you are failing as a parent.

He is huge into videogames and another problem is that he will put his headphones on and act like a total jerk anytime we ask him to do a chore, such as taking out the trash.

If this were me growing up, my Mom or Dad would have grabbed a handful of hair and pulled me to my feet, ripped the headphones off my head, pulled my pants down and delivered about a dozen spanks to my bare ass. Followed by chasing me with a bamboo switch (those little green ones) as I ran through the house to get the trash and take it outside. I would have been grounded for at least 1 week and I would have seen my daily chore load increase.

Listen, he needs to be a part of the family by participating in the jobs the family needs done. He's not a visitor, nor is he visiting royalty. Clearly cover all the chores or jobs you expect him to do. Clearly cover what your expectations are for his attitude while doing these things. Clearly cover that adults (which his age makes him perilously close) do not act like babies when they are asked to do something they don't like.

but if I don't figure out how to handle this like an adult I'm afraid I'll handle it like a child and say something hurtful to him.

Stop being afraid to engage. Engage with your son and then make a truly honest assessment following the interaction. If you feel you were unfair, go and apologize that your ACTION wasn't accurate, but the problem you addressed was.

[MeineFolks'wagen]

This.

Also - he doesn't have single child syndrome(is that even a real thing?) He is spoiled. He doesn't have to share, clean up after himself(chores), or respect others.

That's spoiled.

He's 15. Time to hurt his feelings, toss some video games, and tell him to straighten up before the world does it for him.

As an only child i'm pretty normal - but then again, my mom didn't spoil me, either.

^^ Ding, ding, ding, - winner!

I agree 100%, I'm an only child and none of that was ever an issue with me. Nothing personal OP, your kid just sounds like he's an a@@hole - it happens and him being an only child has nothing to do with it. I'm not saying that you can't begin to try to alter the behavior, but at 15, I would almost argue that it may be a bit too late to start. The whole sharing thing is usually something that you start teaching your kids when they are young, not when they are almost legally an adult Not everyone is going to turn out a perfect pillar of society, no matter how much we wish they would be.

[Papa Dras]

This.

Also - he doesn't have single child syndrome(is that even a real thing?) He is spoiled. He doesn't have to share, clean up after himself(chores), or respect others.

That's spoiled.

He's 15. Time to hurt his feelings, toss some video games, and tell him to straighten up before the world does it for him.

As an only child i'm pretty normal - but then again, my mom didn't spoil me, either.

I also will agree 100% with this. I know plenty of only children and adults that were only children and they are perfectly fine. Why? Because they didn't get away with things just because they were an only child. To even put a term to this tells me that there are a lot of excuses going on.

[firefighterjunkie]

He sounds like a spoiled brat who always gets his way. Is there no clear set of expectations and rules for him to follow in the house? ie: come home from school, do your chores, do your homework, then play XYZ...? I am an only child and growing up in my house, it was an absolute no brainer that my chores and homework always came first - and if I was storming around being a punk, that the fun stuff would go away (allowance, rides to the mall, trips to wherever, friends' houses, car privileges, etc)

As far as his friends go -If he invites them over, he should be expected to entertain them. If he has them come over and then acts like a jerk and leaves them or gets in fights with them, they don't need to be coming over for a period of time. If he keeps up that kind of behavior, eventually he won't have any friends

[VdubChaos]

No chore? sounds good

No computer
no Internet
no games
grounded

pretty simple if you ask me

Let me ask you this (even though I have a feeling I already know the answer). Do you limit Internet access???

[BlckBadged_SwissChee]

:ShakesHead:

We are talking about a child who is the responsibility of their parents. Parents set the rules, parents run the show...not the kid. Everything suggested is on par. If a kid is being a punk ass, why do they continue to be rewarded with no responsibilities and video games? Take that **** away. do some grounding and put them to work.

[A.Wilder]

thanks for the replies everyone. We are recently married so i have known the child for 5-6 years now but have just recently become a figure with authority. It's difficult to discuss with his mom, as she plays the single-mother card for the reason he has very few boundaries. Obviously she and I need to be on the exact same page with the way things are going to run and we need to do a better job of that. I really do appreciate the replies

[smittyATL]

thanks for the replies everyone. We are recently married so i have known the child for 5-6 years now but have just recently become a figure with authority. It's difficult to discuss with his mom, as she plays the single-mother card for the reason he has very few boundaries. Obviously she and I need to be on the exact same page with the way things are going to run and we need to do a better job of that. I really do appreciate the replies

Time to play the grown man who can beat your @$$ card.

[A.Wilder]

Time to play the grown man who can beat your @$$ card.

I don't think i'd be married for long if i did that. But, an ass beating of sorts will be forthcoming when it is needed.

[Chilledman]

A taser in my opinion solves almost all parenting issues !

- and a lot of social ones also

[BlckBadged_SwissChee]

thanks for the replies everyone. We are recently married so i have known the child for 5-6 years now but have just recently become a figure with authority. It's difficult to discuss with his mom, as she plays the single-mother card for the reason he has very few boundaries. Obviously she and I need to be on the exact same page with the way things are going to run and we need to do a better job of that. I really do appreciate the replies

I made this point in another thread a while back about a mom bringing a child into a relationship/marriage. Putting an excuse behind it only makes it worse. Does she think she is the only single mother in the world? All it does it lead to the same lame ass excuse down the road "I had a single mother", "I was a single child". Why fall into that rut? Why not reverse the trend and eliminate that excuse all together.

I won't say my mom was easy on me when she was single, but things did change when my stepdad came into the picture. I used to hate him, but now am thankful he was in my life because no BS flew.

[FlashRedGLS1.8T]

It's difficult to discuss with his mom, as she plays the single-mother card for the reason he has very few boundaries. Obviously she and I need to be on the exact same page with the way things are going to run and we need to do a better job of that.

This is job #1. Good luck.

[A.Wilder]

We talked, we are on the same page. I don't think she notices the brattiness, or she just ignores it. She hasn't brought out the "single parent card" in a while. And i think she realizes i'm not buying into that. I do better with younger kids. 15 is kind of weird for me because he needs to have some responsibility, he needs to make choices and be responsible for those choices. I feel like up to now, when he screws up his mom has been bailing him out and that needs to stop.

[Papa Dras]

The fact that you care enough to want to address this the best way that you can says a lot about your mentality. Especially coming into a situation that was already there. You'll be fine.

[Tornado2dr]

We talked, we are on the same page. I don't think she notices the brattiness, or she just ignores it. She hasn't brought out the "single parent card" in a while. And i think she realizes i'm not buying into that. I do better with younger kids. 15 is kind of weird for me because he needs to have some responsibility, he needs to make choices and be responsible for those choices. I feel like up to now, when he screws up his mom has been bailing him out and that needs to stop.

I pretty much expect anyone over the age of 12 to have the ability to act like a respectful adult in most instances (Manners, polite pleases and thank yous, listening) (I will gladly eat my words when my daughter turns 12).

[Papa Dras]

I expect it in my 4 year old.

[FlashRedGLS1.8T]

(I will gladly eat my words when my daughter turns 12).

Bookmarked. See you in a decade or so.

[Tornado2dr]

Bookmarked. See you in a decade or so.

I told my wife last night that I will be getting an apartment between the ages of 12 and 18.

After being given the "hand" while eye-rolling and "stop-dad" came out of the 2 yo....I was able to say this with a completely straight face.

[VdubChaos]

We talked, we are on the same page. I don't think she notices the brattiness, or she just ignores it. She hasn't brought out the "single parent card" in a while. And i think she realizes i'm not buying into that. I do better with younger kids. 15 is kind of weird for me because he needs to have some responsibility, he needs to make choices and be responsible for those choices. I feel like up to now, when he screws up his mom has been bailing him out and that needs to stop.

Remember, today it's just talk back/your wife cleaning up/picking up the pieces. Just a matter of time before it's wallet and brain that suffers....in the end...your relationship.

I'm a bit surprised that you guys went 6+ years AND got married without having this sort of discussion.

Sorry but no way in hell that **** would happen under my roof. And would potentially end my relationship with SO if not resolved.

[VdubChaos]

I told my wife last night that I will be getting an apartment between the ages of 12 and 18.

Why did you leave out the "in another country" part?



Just about how I feel with my 13 year old daughter....

[foxtrot762]

My cousin is an only child and he's a dickbag x10
On the other hand, my wife is an only child and she turned out great. It's all in how you raise the child. Her mother (single mom) was strict but fair and never spoiled her.

[A.Wilder]

he came home with a D and F on his report card on friday and wanted to go to his friends house all weekend. We said no and took away his computer, xbox, iphone, etc. We told him we expect him to do the bare minimum which to us means no zeros for homework (which is why he has a D and F) and at least a C in any class. He was upset but took it ok. Spent most of the weekend in his room. Then monday he came home from school, did his homework and demanded everything back.

We said, "No, you don't get your stuff back for doing what you are supposed to be doing for ONE day." He wanted the rules in writing so i wrote them up. If he has a D or F in a class or a zero for any assignment, homework, or project, he will be grounded and have his electronics taken away. As long as he has a D or an F or a zero on his online report card he will be grounded and have his electronics taken away. We'll see how it goes from here.

[FlashRedGLS1.8T]

he came home with a D and F on his report card on friday...

My kids would run away if they got a C on their report card.

Not really, but a D and F. Holy cow.

[A.Wilder]

For some reason he thinks homework doesn't apply to him. If he did his homework he would have A's and B's

[FlashRedGLS1.8T]

For some reason he thinks homework doesn't apply to him. If he did his homework he would have A's and B's

That's a tough one, especially at his age.

[A.Wilder]

I'm hoping he can get his grade up by the end of the week. It's really stupid, imo, to get zeros on home work grades. I was a terrible student in high school and did the same crap, i'm not going to let him make the same mistakes as me, under my watch. College was so easy, i did my home work, read the things i was supposed to read, wrote papers, only classes i struggled with were Spanish and Math, which i still got mostly B's in.

I'm hoping this will teach him how easy it is to keep your head above water. There is no reason to dig yourself a hole and try and get out of it at the end of every semester. It isn't even that much work, he isn't taking any honors classes this semester.

[dunhamjr]

He doesn't want to do chores? Take away his video games and store them in the garage. That's all I have to offer since my kids are not at that age yet.

or a pawn shop.
if he doesnt act right, then the games go away.

[A.Wilder]

i forgot to mention i put a locking door on the office, where all the games and computers are. So everything is locked up when/if me and the mom are away. He was pretty when he watched me installing it

[dunhamjr]

i forgot to mention i put a locking door on the office, where all the games and computers are. So everything is locked up when/if me and the mom are away. He was pretty when he watched me installing it

good on you.

my wife is an 8th grade teacher and she always tells me how parents have issues keeping their kids from doing things...

ie "i take the game cable away but they just steal it back".

my take.
cut the cable in half with scissors. toss it in the brush shredder. destroy that thing, and then lets see how well the game machine works. if they can figure out how to put the item back together with glue and solder, then they can have it back.

[FlashRedGLS1.8T]

i forgot to mention i put a locking door on the office, where all the games and computers are. So everything is locked up when/if me and the mom are away. He was pretty when he watched me installing it

Nothing wrong with that.

I'd keep one key for it and I'd keep it on a necklace around my neck.