Overheard...

[OOOO-A3]

Cruising along at FL450, radio chatter is just airliners checking onto the frequency and asking for ride reports. So, one guy (Delta, I think) checks on and has a conversation with the Center controller about light chop at FL350.

The next thing we hear is "Folks, from the flight deck... we've just been told there might be some bumps ahead, so we'll be turning on the seatbelt sign soon blah blah blabbity blah blah yadda yadda....... and for those of you on the left side of the aircraft if you look out your windows the town you see down there looks like, uhhhh, Page, Arizona. Blah blah blah, yadda." {click}



About 1 second after he unkeyed the mic, we hear:

"Outstanding!"

"Awesome!"

"Couldn't have done it better myself."

"CHECK YOUR MIC!"

"Well, I guess we all know where, Page, Arizona is now!"



...then my captain looks at me and says "Who the **** points out Page, Arizona?!?"

[Imaslipper]

Hahahah when was this!?

[Brendan@bwalkauto]

I was flying through SFO's Bravo a few years back, and heard

"United XXXX Cleared for takeoff"

After his reply to the tower, he broadcasts:

"Flight attendants prepare for departure"

Tower frequency was full of

"I'm ready"

"Ready in the back!"

"I'm ready!"

"We're ready too"

Tower comes on:

"Thanks guys, can I move some airplanes?"

"Sorry"

"Sorry sir"

"Sorry"

"Sorry"

[unreal]

This happens often. The next best one is responding to radio calls over the PA.

[Gern_Blanston]

It is pretty entertaining to hear that stuff. Fairly frequent.

[OOOO-A3]

Another one a few weeks ago:

{loud squeal as two people try to check on at the same time}

"Blocked!"


{Center and somebody else transmitting at the same time}

"Blocked!"


{Center and somebody else transmitting at the same time}

"Blocked!"


Center, obviously pissed off: "ok, NOBODY SAY 'BLOCKED' ON MY FREQUENCY!!!! Cactus1234, climb maintain FL320"

{Cactus1234 responding and somebody else checking on frequency at the same time}

"Blocked!"

[unreal]

Another one a few weeks ago:

{loud squeal as two people try to check on at the same time}

"Blocked!"


{Center and somebody else transmitting at the same time}

"Blocked!"


{Center and somebody else transmitting at the same time}

"Blocked!"


Center, obviously pissed off: "ok, NOBODY SAY 'BLOCKED' ON MY FREQUENCY!!!! Cactus1234, climb maintain FL320"

{Cactus1234 responding and somebody else checking on frequency at the same time}

"Blocked!"

Hahaha, I like that one.

[vwnut82]

The best one I heard was going up the west coast in OAK's airspace.


Captain: "Ladies and gentlemen welcome aboard our flight to Honolulu. We are climbing out of 18 thousand for 34 thousand feet and atc has told us to expcet a smooth ride. I will go ahead and turn off the seatbelt sign you are free to move about the cabin. However if you are sitting down I'll ask that you keep your seatbelt fastened for your safety. Currently it is sunny and 80 degrees in Honolulu which is much nicer than that cool fog we left in San Francisco."

Background noise (FO) "oh ****"

Captain: " So uh thank you for flying Southwest"

Other a/c 1 "nice try"

Southwest a/c "we don't even go there"

Other a/c 2 "good one Delta"

[Brendan@bwalkauto]

^^^ That ones pretty good.

A friend of mine was flying past OAK a few years ago and was talking with NorCal departure. A kid from JAL Academy was flying out of OAK to go back to Napa in a Bonanza. His last instruction was to fly heading 360, and he was flying due west.

"Bonanza 123AB, fly heading 360."

"Roger...360"

A few minutes later

"Bonanza 123AB, say heading."

"Bonanza 123AB, 360."

"Bonanza 123AB, I'm showing that you're heading west. Turn right, heading 360."

"Roger 360"

Another few minutes go by

"Bonanza 123AB, what was my last instruction to you?"

"Sir, I don't..."

"Bonanza 123AB, turn right 90 degrees, and fly heading 3....6....0."

"Ah sir, I...."

"Bonanza 123AB, put your little airplane to N and get out of my airspace."

"Roger....360...."

And he continued to fly West.

[OOOO-A3]

^^^^ will bet money that he was twisting the heading indicator card to 360, not the bug.

[Brendan@bwalkauto]

Exactly, and I'm sure he was confused as all hell.

[71sbeetle]

Miami approach a few years ago:

Approach: "American 1583 you are number one for 8 left, keep the speed up as fast as you can you have company following you"

AA1583: "Roger, we're balls to the wall 'Merkin 1583"

Approach: "American 1287 you are number two following company 7 miles ahead spacing is good keep the speed up as long as you can"

AA1287 (female voice): "American 1287, we're wiiiide open !"

[71sbeetle]

SWA 755: "Miami Center Southwest 755 flight level 360 direct DEFIX looking for lower"

Miami Center: "Southwest 755, he's not here, keep looking"

Long awkward silence ...

Miami Center: "Southwest 755, descend and maintain FL 210"

[71sbeetle]

Another one I heard I have the recording somewhere I don't remember exactly the words but it goes something like this:

Cadet 123 (callsign for Comair training out of Sanford FL) with a thick Asian accent: "Sanford tower, Cadet 123 is on a 9 miles fin.... correction, on a 8 miles final for run.... correction, 7 miles for final ..... correction, cadet 123 is 5 and a half mile final for runway XX on visual approach .... correction, 5 miles final"

Sanford Tower: " Cadet 123 wind XXX at XX cleared to land runway XX and please do not tie up my frequency"

Cadet 123: "Roger, wind XXX at XX cleared to land runway XX ..... errr [something unintelligible] for the errrr [mumbling] the errr ..... frequency Cadet 123"

Sanford Tower: ""

[71sbeetle]

Another one from Comair, a friend of mine told me that one when he used to fly there.
They were on the ramp doing runups on their plane when one of their single engine plane comes in, taxis on the ramp, the instructor comes out and the planes taxies back out, it was that girl's first solo. She calls tower, gets cleared for take off, takes off, and at 500ft:

Cadet 125: "Sanford Tower Cadet 125"
Twr: "Cadet 125 go ahead"
Cadet 125: "Sanford Tower, Cadet 125, climb checklist complete"
Twr: "Great ..... what do you want me to do ?"
Cadet 125: "Sanford Tower .... Cadet 125 .... errr .... student pilot"
Twr: ""

[32176G60]

Miami approach a few years ago:

Approach: "American 1583 you are number one for 8 left, keep the speed up as fast as you can you have company following you"

AA1583: "Roger, we're balls to the wall 'Merkin 1583"

Approach: "American 1287 you are number two following company 7 miles ahead spacing is good keep the speed up as long as you can"

AA1287 (female voice): "American 1287, we're wiiiide open !"

I would have peed myself! That's so wrong... yet so funny!

[ATL_Av8r]

"Bonanza 123AB, put your little airplane to N and get out of my airspace."

"Unable.....aircraft not equipped with Neutral"

[jebglx]

i these types of threads

[OOOO-A3]

How many of you have ever heard this song?




I'm religious about monitoring 121.5 ('guard') in flight. It's been useful more than once, I've relayed messages for others a few times, and then there's this....

So, we had refueled in KLNK today and were back at FL430 heading west. Very little radio chatter, and nothing on guard which I was monitoring on COM2. I had gotten up at 03:30 this morning, and just cruising long my brain was starting to zone out when all of a sudden.... "IIIIIIII love, little baby ducks!" {click}



For a minute I was like "not sure if actually heard that.... or just hallucinating". I guess someone found it amusing to hold their iPhone/iPod/whatever up to the mic and hit 'play'. Definitely the weirdest **** I've heard on the radio so far.

[71sbeetle]

How many of you have ever heard this song?


I'm religious about monitoring 121.5 ('guard') in flight. It's been useful more than once, I've relayed messages for others a few times, and then there's this....

So, we had refueled in KLNK today and were back at FL430 heading west. Very little radio chatter, and nothing on guard which I was monitoring on COM2. I had gotten up at 03:30 this morning, and just cruising long my brain was starting to zone out when all of a sudden.... "IIIIIIII love, little baby ducks!" {click}




For a minute I was like "not sure if actually heard that.... or just hallucinating". I guess someone found it amusing to hold their iPhone/iPod/whatever up to the mic and hit 'play'. Definitely the weirdest **** I've heard on the radio so far.

lol, someone played "Peanut Butter Jelly Time" on our ops frequency the other day for a good 45 seconds.

[jebglx]

[unreal]

how many of you have ever heard this song?




i'm religious about monitoring 121.5 ('guard') in flight. It's been useful more than once, i've relayed messages for others a few times, and then there's this....

So, we had refueled in klnk today and were back at fl430 heading west. Very little radio chatter, and nothing on guard which i was monitoring on com2. I had gotten up at 03:30 this morning, and just cruising long my brain was starting to zone out when all of a sudden.... "iiiiiiii love, little baby ducks!" {click}



for a minute i was like "not sure if actually heard that.... Or just hallucinating". I guess someone found it amusing to hold their iphone/ipod/whatever up to the mic and hit 'play'. Definitely the weirdest **** i've heard on the radio so far.

"ON GUAAAAAARD!"

"Touché!"

[vwdaun]

Just the other night I was on my way home from my parent's in the 172 when on CTAF I heard:

"Circleville Traffic, Guard XXX 5 miles north inbound for runway... whatever the hell it is."

[CRD99]

I am flying right now with a "frequency guardian". If anyone talks on 121.5 he is on it 4 milliseconds later saying "GUAAARRRDD" and God forbid someone makes a PA on center frequency. Drives me nuts.

I wish he was as diligent with his hand flying and descent planning as he is with guarding all frequencies at all times.

[OOOO-A3]

I am flying right now with a "frequency guardian". If anyone talks on 121.5 he is on it 4 milliseconds later saying "GUAAARRRDD" and God forbid someone makes a PA on center frequency. Drives me nuts.

I wish he was as diligent with his hand flying and descent planning as he is with guarding all frequencies at all times.

Tell your FO to "lurk moar" Monitoring it is his job, policing it is not.

Actually, I've just thought of a diabolical way to troll him, if you're interested...

[71sbeetle]

I am flying right now with a "frequency guardian". If anyone talks on 121.5 he is on it 4 milliseconds later saying "GUAAARRRDD" and God forbid someone makes a PA on center frequency. Drives me nuts.

I wish he was as diligent with his hand flying and descent planning as he is with guarding all frequencies at all times.

Yeah I had an FO once that was in the National Guard and that was doing "search and rescue missions all the time" (turns out he was flying a C172 around listening to 121.5 making sure there were no ELT going off) well everytime we took off, after calling our ops he would switch to 121.5, but we're supposed to listen to our dispatch frequency as per our FAA approved Ops Specs, if we miss a call on company frequency (if they can't reach us when we're supposed to be reachable) we could get a nice appointment in the chief pilot's office and explain to our FAA rep why we were not reachable (they do that every once in a while because a lot of people go on a chit chat freq instead of dispatch) anyway so I tell this guy he needs to leave COM2 on dispatch but he goes on to tell me that listening to 121.5 can save a life and all that. So I made a deal with him, he puts dispatch on COM2 and on COM2 standby 121.50, once every 5 minutes he can listen to 121.50 for a few seconds. He said he'd accept if he could listen every 3 minutes instead I said OK whatever, so every 3 minutes ON THE DOT he would switch to 121.50, listen in, turn the squelch off, put the volume all the way up, and then switch back to dispatch .... wow lol. He didn't finish his probation period here, last I heard he's a train conductor in PA now ...

[71sbeetle]

Oh and, another "overheard story" that is a little NSFW lol.
My very first time into MYNN (Lynden Pindling Int'l Airport, Nassau Bahamas) while we were on final talking to tower an Aztec comes in on final to another runway and talks to the controller:

Aztec: "Nassau tower Aztec C6-LOL finalssss (how many finals ? lol) runway zero nine"

Tower: "C6-LOL, wind 080 at 7 kts cleared to land runway 09, hold short of runway 14 for landing traffic"

Aztec: "Cleared to land 09 C6-LOL .... is this [insert name here]?"

Tower: "Yes, is this [insert another name here]?"

Aztec: "Yes how are you?"

[insert lengthy personal chit chat on twr freq here]

Aztec: "Well, give me a call, we can get together tonight, you can get some Kaliks for us" (Kalik is a Bahamian beer: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kalik)

Tower: "How about you Kalik my balls!"

[insert very long awkward silence here]

Tower: "Gulfflight 9222, vacate left contact ground 121.7"

lol

[ATL_Av8r]

Yeah I had an FO once that was in the National Guard and that was doing "search and rescue missions all the time" (turns out he was flying a C172 around listening to 121.5 making sure there were no ELT going off) well everytime we took off, after calling our ops he would switch to 121.5, but we're supposed to listen to our dispatch frequency as per our FAA approved Ops Specs, if we miss a call on company frequency (if they can't reach us when we're supposed to be reachable) we could get a nice appointment in the chief pilot's office and explain to our FAA rep why we were not reachable (they do that every once in a while because a lot of people go on a chit chat freq instead of dispatch) anyway so I tell this guy he needs to leave COM2 on dispatch but he goes on to tell me that listening to 121.5 can save a life and all that. So I made a deal with him, he puts dispatch on COM2 and on COM2 standby 121.50, once every 5 minutes he can listen to 121.50 for a few seconds. He said he'd accept if he could listen every 3 minutes instead I said OK whatever, so every 3 minutes ON THE DOT he would switch to 121.50, listen in, turn the squelch off, put the volume all the way up, and then switch back to dispatch .... wow lol. He didn't finish his probation period here, last I heard he's a train conductor in PA now ...

"N123AB, this is BNSF 987 acknowledging your mayday. We'll be there in 13 hours!"

[vwbrvr6]

I once heard "Fuel on both, gear down and locked, three green, mixture full rich, props full forward, I'm reeaaadddyyyyyyyyy!"

[joness0154]

I once heard "Fuel on both, gear down and locked, three green, mixture full rich, props full forward, I'm reeaaadddyyyyyyyyy!"

I'd just be happy a GA pilot was performing a checklist

[glx2.8]

This thread is hilarious.

Earlier this week at my flight college, there were some funny screw ups.

A lot of the first years in my class have a hard time with radio calls because they have zero experience.

"Sault Ground this is FANU"

"FANU Sault Ground go ahead"

"Uh ya, we are a Zlin... uh... ****."

I was in dispatch at the time so the rest of the students heard it... gave me a good chuckle.

[OOOO-A3]

Today, on Naples (KAPF) ATIS: "...angry birds in the vicinity of the airport..."