I was flying through SFO's Bravo a few years back, and heard
"United XXXX Cleared for takeoff"
After his reply to the tower, he broadcasts:
"Flight attendants prepare for departure"
Tower frequency was full of
"Ready in the back!"
"We're ready too"
Tower comes on:
"Thanks guys, can I move some airplanes?"
The best one I heard was going up the west coast in OAK's airspace.
Captain: "Ladies and gentlemen welcome aboard our flight to Honolulu. We are climbing out of 18 thousand for 34 thousand feet and atc has told us to expcet a smooth ride. I will go ahead and turn off the seatbelt sign you are free to move about the cabin. However if you are sitting down I'll ask that you keep your seatbelt fastened for your safety. Currently it is sunny and 80 degrees in Honolulu which is much nicer than that cool fog we left in San Francisco."
Background noise (FO) "oh ****"
Captain: " So uh thank you for flying Southwest"
Other a/c 1 "nice try"
Southwest a/c "we don't even go there"
Other a/c 2 "good one Delta"
^^^ That ones pretty good.
A friend of mine was flying past OAK a few years ago and was talking with NorCal departure. A kid from JAL Academy was flying out of OAK to go back to Napa in a Bonanza. His last instruction was to fly heading 360, and he was flying due west.
"Bonanza 123AB, fly heading 360."
A few minutes later
"Bonanza 123AB, say heading."
"Bonanza 123AB, 360."
"Bonanza 123AB, I'm showing that you're heading west. Turn right, heading 360."
Another few minutes go by
"Bonanza 123AB, what was my last instruction to you?"
"Sir, I don't..."
"Bonanza 123AB, turn right 90 degrees, and fly heading 3....6....0."
"Ah sir, I...."
"Bonanza 123AB, put your little airplane to N and get out of my airspace."
And he continued to fly West.
Miami approach a few years ago:
Approach: "American 1583 you are number one for 8 left, keep the speed up as fast as you can you have company following you"
AA1583: "Roger, we're balls to the wall 'Merkin 1583"
Approach: "American 1287 you are number two following company 7 miles ahead spacing is good keep the speed up as long as you can"
AA1287 (female voice): "American 1287, we're wiiiide open !"
SWA 755: "Miami Center Southwest 755 flight level 360 direct DEFIX looking for lower"
Miami Center: "Southwest 755, he's not here, keep looking"
Long awkward silence ...
Miami Center: "Southwest 755, descend and maintain FL 210"
Another one I heard I have the recording somewhere I don't remember exactly the words but it goes something like this:
Cadet 123 (callsign for Comair training out of Sanford FL) with a thick Asian accent: "Sanford tower, Cadet 123 is on a 9 miles fin.... correction, on a 8 miles final for run.... correction, 7 miles for final ..... correction, cadet 123 is 5 and a half mile final for runway XX on visual approach .... correction, 5 miles final"
Sanford Tower: " Cadet 123 wind XXX at XX cleared to land runway XX and please do not tie up my frequency"
Cadet 123: "Roger, wind XXX at XX cleared to land runway XX ..... errr [something unintelligible] for the errrr [mumbling] the errr ..... frequency Cadet 123"
Sanford Tower: ""
Another one from Comair, a friend of mine told me that one when he used to fly there.
They were on the ramp doing runups on their plane when one of their single engine plane comes in, taxis on the ramp, the instructor comes out and the planes taxies back out, it was that girl's first solo. She calls tower, gets cleared for take off, takes off, and at 500ft:
Cadet 125: "Sanford Tower Cadet 125"
Twr: "Cadet 125 go ahead"
Cadet 125: "Sanford Tower, Cadet 125, climb checklist complete"
Twr: "Great ..... what do you want me to do ?"
Cadet 125: "Sanford Tower .... Cadet 125 .... errr .... student pilot"
Last edited by 71sbeetle; 03-01-2012 at 10:49 PM.
I am flying right now with a "frequency guardian". If anyone talks on 121.5 he is on it 4 milliseconds later saying "GUAAARRRDD" and God forbid someone makes a PA on center frequency. Drives me nuts.
I wish he was as diligent with his hand flying and descent planning as he is with guarding all frequencies at all times.
Oh and, another "overheard story" that is a little NSFW lol.
My very first time into MYNN (Lynden Pindling Int'l Airport, Nassau Bahamas) while we were on final talking to tower an Aztec comes in on final to another runway and talks to the controller:
Aztec: "Nassau tower Aztec C6-LOL finalssss (how many finals ? lol) runway zero nine"
Tower: "C6-LOL, wind 080 at 7 kts cleared to land runway 09, hold short of runway 14 for landing traffic"
Aztec: "Cleared to land 09 C6-LOL .... is this [insert name here]?"
Tower: "Yes, is this [insert another name here]?"
Aztec: "Yes how are you?"
[insert lengthy personal chit chat on twr freq here]
Aztec: "Well, give me a call, we can get together tonight, you can get some Kaliks for us" (Kalik is a Bahamian beer: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kalik)
Tower: "How about you Kalik my balls!"
[insert very long awkward silence here]
Tower: "Gulfflight 9222, vacate left contact ground 121.7"
This thread is hilarious.
Earlier this week at my flight college, there were some funny screw ups.
A lot of the first years in my class have a hard time with radio calls because they have zero experience.
"Sault Ground this is FANU"
"FANU Sault Ground go ahead"
"Uh ya, we are a Zlin... uh... ****."
I was in dispatch at the time so the rest of the students heard it... gave me a good chuckle.