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    Thread: In-laws...

    1. 06-30-2012 09:26 PM #1
      Now that my wife and I have a child... they're here a lot. They hardly came around before our son.

      I don't mind them but I like my space at my home. They're getting very comfortable at our house. Will this change as the child gets older? They live an hour away but are planning on relocating closer. What's also hard for me is that my family lives 4000 miles away...

      Any similar experiences?

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      07-01-2012 01:24 AM #2
      Just take it for what it is. Most grandparents have been waiting for this, so let them have it- as long as they aren't f'n with your personal space. Go to dinner, dates, see friends, etc...Use them while you can, because you'll want the time at some point.

      You have your whole life with your kids. If family wants to be around, be happy.

    3. Member DonL's Avatar
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      07-01-2012 07:17 AM #3
      I kinda know what you mean, but I have to ask, are they telling you or, "strongly suggesting," how you raise your child, or do they just want to be around more? If they're moving closer, are they the types that would just be, "passing by and thought we'd stop in?" How does your wife feel about things, and does she know how you feel about things? It may be a good time to talk to her, and maybe your in-laws, and set a few boundaries.

      Does your wife have any siblings that are eventually going to have kids, and take some of the pressure off of the two of you?

      I'm pretty fortunate in some regards. I get along quite well with my in-laws, they live close enough to spend time with them and see their granddaughter, but they're great about balancing with my family, don't tell us how to raise her (only offer the occasional suggestion), and have been a strong moral support with our daughter's challenges (she had some special needs), and on a couple of occasions, helped us out with some of her therapy costs.

      It also helps that our daughter is their fifth grandchild, so some of the "new" has worn off of that novelty.
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    4. Member sakigt's Avatar
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      07-01-2012 09:54 AM #4
      I had my son 9 days ago... the never ending stream of people to the house has gotten redonkulous. All I can say is if the in laws have mild opinions about basic care (ie: I think its too early to take him/her out etc) and they come over to help as opposed to being entertained Id just roll with it. Its good to have someone around that can stop in and hold the kid while you run out to grab something.

      If youre like me and desire a lot of alone time this may be the time to get out of your comfort zone and simply treat them like you would a comfortable friend. Try not and worry about their presence. Good luck. Its a lot to deal with on top of the new baby stuff.

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      07-01-2012 01:41 PM #5
      You still need to set ground rules. We have a butt load of family locally, and we basically told everyone that we want the first week to ourselves. After that, people were welcome.

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      07-02-2012 03:38 AM #6
      i say you better get used to it.

      them being around 'A LOT' as you put it may not feel to them like they are around at all.

      my mom lives 5 minutes away. we see her every weekend. and in sept she will be retiring from work to become our full-day nanny.

      just had a baby 3 weeks ago. at 7 days old, my wifes mom and dad flew out. g-pa was here a week. g-ma has been here two weeks and will be here another 2 weeks.

      but then they likely will not see the kid again till xmas.

      no matter how much they are there now, once the new wears off they will likely be there less. and regardless of how much they are there, you will be there more. you will have your time alone. but that life you had before kids is gone.
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      07-02-2012 08:10 AM #7
      My in-laws are our 3rd closest neighbors.

      My FIL is kick@ss and I love it when he's around.
      My MIL is a pain-in-the-ass and usually loathe when she's around.

      Although for the first months she was an ace in helping with the kids. Overall having them close is really nice. My kids love them and they are helpful when we need them but aren't intrusive like some can be.

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      07-02-2012 02:11 PM #8
      My in-laws are 2.6 miles away, we see them a lot though we mostly go there because they have a nice house, yard, pool, etc. This has worked out very well as they cook for us (not only that night but make whole other meals for later in the week) and my MIL ends up pretty much buying out Baby Gap and the toy stores without us asking. We're there 2-3 times a week.

      My family is on the East Coast, 3164 miles away. My little sister and brother won't get to meet our kid until he is 8 months old but my Mom has been here and so has my older sister.
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      07-03-2012 12:24 PM #9
      I live very close to my parents and in-laws.

      They stopped by a ton for the first kid until we told them to scale back. Shoot, they would even toss us some cash for dinner so they could get provate baby time.

      It doesn't hurt that my in-laws are ESOL and don't engage me in conversation. See them maybe once per week, less than 2 hours. Still see my mom once or twice a week.

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      07-03-2012 03:40 PM #10
      By time we had kids, we were living out of state from both sets of our parents and it wasn't an issue. I will say that not to long after hooking up with my wife, I figured out that I did'nt really want to be around her family. My solution was to simply not go to any of their family functions Wife was cool with it and they didn't want me around anyway, so it worked out good for everyone.

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      07-05-2012 08:00 AM #11
      Similar to a couple folks, my in-laws live the next town over (about 10 minutes drive.) We see them about once a week. Before we moved to where we are now, we were further away and they didn't come around as much, now BAM, they are there.

      Think is all depends on how you get along with them.
      FIL loves to drink and tinker with the house- so do I!
      MIL loves to feed me and I love to eat!
      So as you can see, hasn't been horrible. But definitely if/once you feel they are getting to the point of invading your privacy, you do need to say something- at the least to your wife. If you aren't the best to have the talk with them, she can. And that way once they are closer, you have the ground rules set and instead of them just stopping through, you can plan to go visit them or you let them know when it is ok to pass by. GL man.
      Last edited by Vdub_mang; 07-15-2012 at 10:10 PM.

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      07-06-2012 11:38 AM #12
      I get along great with my mothe-in-law now that we moved 230 miles away.

      She really gets into it with her other son-in-law who is local to her.

      I just told my wife, all pleased with myself, "who would have ever thought that I'd be the 'good' son-in-law?"

    13. 07-14-2012 08:00 PM #13
      Quote Originally Posted by jnm2.0t View Post
      My in-laws are 2.6 miles away, we see them a lot though we mostly go there because they have a nice house, yard, pool, etc. This has worked out very well as they cook for us (not only that night but make whole other meals for later in the week) and my MIL ends up pretty much buying out Baby Gap and the toy stores without us asking. We're there 2-3 times a week.

      My family is on the East Coast, 3164 miles away. My little sister and brother won't get to meet our kid until he is 8 months old but my Mom has been here and so has my older sister.
      My family being far away probably has something to do with how I feel...

    14. Member hi_racing's Avatar
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      07-19-2012 02:34 PM #14
      Neither my parents and my wife's parents were around/alive when we had Aurora 3+ years ago. Although it sucks in just about every way, there are some plusses - no intruding, nights off from the baby, etc. My wife and I have had a total of 8 hours away from our 3 year old since she was born. Kid's weekend at the grandparents is just a daydream for us.

      -just deleted lots of text about how crappy it is to not have in laws or parents when you're raising kids and don't have any family to talk to about it-

      I could go on but just remember it could be worse. From a positive point of view though - it might (or might not) be their first grandchild. If so, they haven't had any practice with boundaries. It's up to each of us to tell our guests (even family) what is and isn't allowed in our homes.

      Good luck! Enjoy the new baby!
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      07-19-2012 03:03 PM #15
      Quote Originally Posted by MZMDCM99 View Post
      Now that my wife and I have a child... they're here a lot. They hardly came around before our son.

      I don't mind them but I like my space at my home. They're getting very comfortable at our house. Will this change as the child gets older? They live an hour away but are planning on relocating closer. What's also hard for me is that my family lives 4000 miles away...

      Any similar experiences?
      Life is full of trade offs. Talk over your concerns with your wife and try to find a balance. I think you're overlooking the fact that if they stay at your house, you've got free babysitters.

      I have a really tough time with my wife's in-laws (they live 2hrs away). Same issues you have; always lounging around the house, and a myriad of other things I won't get in to here. But by the same token, they love my kids and they're way better grandparents than my parents (Who live 15hrs away).

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      08-12-2012 10:43 PM #16
      MIL and GMIL are 60ft away (no, we do not live in a trailer park). We are living in what used to be her house, and she was a champ at just walking in. It took a little while but she will call or ring the door bell now. And trust me, we get enough babysitting from her that I know she values her quiet time!
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