What the hells going on in here...
i cats, they remind me how much i like chinese food
I check into small hotel a few kilometers from Kiev. It is late. I am tired. I tell woman at desk I want a room. She tells me room number and give key. "But one more thing comrade; there is one room without number and always lock. Don't even peek in there." I take key and go to room to sleep.
Night comes and I hear trickling of water. It comes from the room across. I cannot sleep so I open door. It is coming from room with no number. I pound on door. No response. I look in keyhole. I see nothing except red.
Water still trickling. I go down to front desk to complain. "By the way who is in that room?" She look at me and begin to tell story.
There was woman in there. Murdered by her husband. Skin all white, except her eyes, which were red.
I tell her I don't give a ****. Stop the water trickling or give me refund. She gave me 100 ruble credit and free breakfast.
Such is life in Moscow
A gurl was walkin2 skewl wit her bf n they were crossin da rode.
she sed "bbz will u luv me 4evr"
he said "NO..""
da gurl cryed N ran across da rode b4 da green man came on the sine.
boy was cryin and went to pic up her body.
she was ded.
he whispered 2 her corpse "I ment 2 sey i will luv u FIVE-ever..." (dat mean he luv her moar den 4evr)
xxx~*...like dis if u cry evry time...~*xxx
^^Buy my sh!t up there^^
So here's how it went down, I was pulling out of the shop to go pick up some parts to work on a car when this lady in a ford econoline van runs the red light and smacks into me going about 45. Spun me around once and pointed me in the wrong direction on the other side of the road. I was lucky that there were like three other people who stopped that saw the whole thing otherwise she'd have pinned the whole thing on me more than likely.
So she's all over the ****ing place yelling and screaming while we're waiting for the cops to come. She finally calms down a bit and sulks over by her van but as soon as the first cop pulls up she gets all rowdy again. The cop almost has to cuff her and shove her in his car just so he can take my statement down.
After talking to everyone there he cites her with failure to yield and disregard of a traffic sign. She naturally goes ballistic and goes off on the officer. While she's doing that another officer blocks traffic so that we can push my car back inside to the shop where it sits now.
Once all that was taken care of I phoned my insurance company and they said they actually had a rep in the area that could come take a look at my car today possibly. So about an hour later the lady shows up to assess the damage done to the car. We already had it up on the lift and examined the damage ourselves and found it to not be that bad other than the cosmetic damage.
She starts going over everything, taking a picture here, jotting something down there when she drops her pen. I reach down to pick it up for her but didn't realize she was doing the same. I go to stand back up and end up knocking her flat on her ass. I immediately realize what I just did and start apologizing profusely as I help her up.
Instead of standing up she pulled me down on top of her and started wrestling with me on the shop floor. I was trying to break free of her grapple but she had her arms and legs wrapped around me in a bear hug of massive proportions. Everyone in the shopping center stopped to watch our tussle in the shop. I finally broke free but she had managed to undo my pants and pull them down. I struggle to pull them back up but she's instantly on me again, this time her face inches from my own.
"Go ahead," I tell her, knowing full well what was about to happen in front of my coworkers and everyone who had gathered outside. She leans in close to my ear and whispers, "No thanks, I had Reese's for breakfast."
"Holy ****, you had candy for breakfast?!" I exclaim as many others in the crowd gasp in shock at her statement.
"Not candy, Reese's Puff Cereal!"
So she pours me a bowl and I shove the spoon in my mouth. Then a completely orgasmic wave of peanut butter and chocolately taste bombards my taste buds.
Reese's Puff Cereal;
It's reese's, FOR BREAKFAST!
Credit to Fooshnickens
I love this
.enohPi gnisu klatapaT morf tneS