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    Thread: A week ago today, our first child was born and we lost him.

    1. Geriatric Member Hostile's Avatar
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      12-22-2017 06:42 AM #1
      On Thursday the 14th at 11AM we arrived at my wife’s OB for her 20-week appointment. We had the sonogram where they took measurements of our baby and some of the measurements were more inline with a 18-week pregnancy. He wasn’t moving much but he had a strong heartbeat, the nurse said he was probably just sleeping. When we went into the other room to talk to her OB, my wife’s blood pressure was really high and was presenting as pre-eclampsia. Her urine was also very dark so her OB has us admitted at the labor unit at our hospital.

      Within 2 hours they were telling us that my wife had HELLP Syndrome and if they didn’t induce her that she would die. Our baby had no chance of making it because he was already slightly underdeveloped and it was just way to early in the pregnancy.

      At 3:05PM on Friday, December 15th our baby boy, Ethan Wiley Burns, was born but didn’t survive the delivery. He was so tiny but he was so perfect. He had my wife’s almond-shaped eyes, my nose and he was going to have a full head of my black hair.
      iain

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    3. Global Moderator Paul@VWvortex's Avatar
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      12-22-2017 02:21 PM #2
      Awww... I am so very sorry for both you and your wife. We were lucky to get one little boy, 11.5 years ago, and we struggled to have him. I cannot imagine the sorrow you guys are going through. Please know you aren't alone.

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      12-24-2017 12:09 AM #3
      That's heartbreaking. I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better.

    5. Senior Member DonL's Avatar
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      12-27-2017 12:04 PM #4
      Oh, ****, dude, so sorry to hear. We had our own issues trying to start a family, but I can't imagine anything that. Hang in there.
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      12-28-2017 11:29 AM #5
      I can't imagine how your feeling right now, I'm really sorry about your loss of your son. I'm glad your wife is ok and you have each other.

    7. Member RENOG's Avatar
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      12-28-2017 04:38 PM #6
      Quote Originally Posted by XClayX View Post
      I can't imagine how your feeling right now, I'm really sorry about your loss of your son. I'm glad your wife is ok and you have each other.
      This^^

      My heart goes out to you two... Time has a way of burring off the sharp edges so you guys hang in there.

    8. Senior Member VWVan's Avatar
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      01-03-2018 06:30 PM #7
      Wow, sorry to hear man

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      01-17-2018 08:41 PM #8
      Quote Originally Posted by XClayX View Post
      I can't imagine how your feeling right now, I'm really sorry about your loss of your son. I'm glad your wife is ok and you have each other.

      I’m so sorry, my heart goes out to your family!
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    10. Member davewg's Avatar
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      02-05-2018 09:39 PM #9
      Heart breaking. I’m so sorry for the loss. I can’t even imagine....all the best.


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      02-16-2018 07:35 AM #10
      Good heavens, Hostile.

      I am deeply sorry and hope that you and your wife recover safely.
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    12. Geriatric Member Hostile's Avatar
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      02-16-2018 12:08 PM #11
      Thanks for all the kind words and support. I've been watching the thread but haven't been up to responding until now.

      It's been 9 weeks today that we lost Ethan. It's still pretty gutting. We have our bad moments but the days are getting a little easier. Fridays are still tough though.

      Apparently the HELLP syndrome is not only really rare but it's even more rare for someone to have it as early as my wife did. It's a combination of severe pre-eclampsia, abnormal (elevated) liver function and bottomed-out platelet count. They have no clue what causes it so they can't predict it or prevent it and the only cure for it is to deliver the baby. On the brighter side, it's almost unheard of for someone to go through it twice. We also are consulting with a high-risk OB, in addition to my wife's regular OB, so if we do decide to try again my wife will be much more closely monitored with more testing and check-ups.
      iain

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      02-18-2018 09:43 AM #12
      If you need anything, just drop a note. So sorry to hear, been through it a few times before our two arrived.

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    14. Banned by John until they unbanned me zukiphile's Avatar
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      03-17-2018 10:05 AM #13
      Quote Originally Posted by Hostile View Post
      It's been 9 weeks today that we lost Ethan. It's still pretty gutting.
      Even having a healthy child restructures you. Don't burden yourself with expectations of normality or happiness.

      When you have another, you will remember the pain of this period, but it will only be a memory, not pain.
      Last edited by zukiphile; 03-28-2018 at 01:49 PM.
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      03-21-2018 11:08 PM #14
      Wow... buried away in a rarely visited forum.

      So sorry for your loss and subsequent pain. I can't even imagine - my wife suffered through two miscarriages, but at only 8 or 9 weeks, and that was horrible enough.


      Here's hoping everything works out for you in the long run.

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      04-02-2018 11:43 AM #15
      Just saw this thread. So sorry for your loss. My sincerest condolences.

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      04-02-2018 01:38 PM #16
      I am sorry for your loss. We had a friend of ours lose a child at (I think) 33 weeks a few years ago. Same type of terrible scenario you guys went through. Good news is the mother recently gave birth to twins!
      Losing a child is very tough. My MIL lost two before she had my wife.

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      04-29-2018 10:03 AM #17
      I am so sorry for your loss, brother. I'm glad you and your wife are relatively, at least physically, ok. You will heal in someways. Grieving is a hard, but necessary process. I'm a father, a husband, and an RN. If I can offer you any assistance in any way at any time, please PM me. You are not alone.
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    19. Geriatric Member Hostile's Avatar
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      05-13-2018 09:43 PM #18
      We made our first trip down to my in-laws since before we lost our boy. He should have been here with us...

      Today (Mother’s Day) was pretty rough...
      iain

    20. Member flygliii's Avatar
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      05-14-2018 01:01 AM #19
      Again, I'm sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how this day must have been for your wife and yourself.
      Gone and missed: '01 B5 V6 GLX wagon, '96 FZJ80, '89 16v GLI, '84 Scirocco, '81 Scirocco S, '80 HiLux 4x4, '77 Kawi Enduro, '74 sparkling green Schwinn Stingray.

    21. Geriatric Member Hostile's Avatar
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      12-15-2018 01:45 AM #20
      It’s so hard to believe that it’s been a year today since we lost our boy.

      ****, it’s been really hard lately. Especially with the new house. Something that should have been really exciting was just over-shadowed with the loss of our little boy.
      iain

    22. Member flygliii's Avatar
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      12-15-2018 02:40 AM #21
      I'm sorry, man. This must be very difficult for all of you, especially during the holidays. It sounds like you are there for your wife, that's an important thing to be doing for eachother regardless of how you each might be coping with such a tragic loss. I know we don't know eachother, but I'm here, feel free to drop me a PM if you ever need.
      Gone and missed: '01 B5 V6 GLX wagon, '96 FZJ80, '89 16v GLI, '84 Scirocco, '81 Scirocco S, '80 HiLux 4x4, '77 Kawi Enduro, '74 sparkling green Schwinn Stingray.

    23. Geriatric Member Hostile's Avatar
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      12-15-2018 01:29 PM #22
      Thanks man, I appreciate it.
      iain

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      01-10-2019 01:11 PM #23
      Been away from these forums for a long time. Sad to come back and see this.

      I know time has passed, but my heart goes out to you guys.
      Where are we going and why am I in this handbasket?

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