Beer: The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.
Stinger, Charger, and SS will drive the best out of that list. Stinger seems pretty low on the road though, which may be a PITA reaching the middle seat for kid buckling, depending on how frequent it is. I feel Charger could be a lot of fun, and if you're that concerned about MPG you can still have fun with an SXT (3.6) as long as it has the ZF8. There may be some ancient bones involved (it was never an E-Class "platform"... they just borrowed some rear suspension componentry) but you'd never know it driving the thing with a modern 300+hp engine and the best auto on the market.
Accord/Camry/etc. are probably economical overall but are they really wide enough nowadays?
Anyway, congrats OP!
I would at least drive one before you write it off completely... your wife might be surprised.... unless its purely a looks thing...
/| OMGHAI |\
They are hella expensive though! It changed my perception of the income of my neighbors driving those around once I started researching new and used pricing on them.
So this is way out in left field but almost makes a lot of sense. Buick Lacrosse. Once you get past the Grandpa-mobile stereotype ("That's not a Buick!") it's got a lot of nice stuff the Impala doesn't (9-speed auto, optional adaptive suspension). Did 0-60 in 5.6 Sec and 31MPG on the real world 75MPH highway test. Only downside is it's on the small side on par with the accord but really you're talking 1 inch width between all but the Chevy SS. It's also being discontinued so the discounts / depreciation should be strong.